Monday, March 23, 2015

Falling Down.

Some time ago – I’m not great with the chronology on this one – and I’m at the bottom of my stairs like a discarded crushed cigarette packet.

I’m not sure which way up I am. Or what time of day it is. Or even what day it is. Or how long I have been there.

Attempting to move, I howl in agony. Genuine agony, not that ‘ouch, that hurts’ nonsense but the proper stuff.

To be honest it’s a bit blank for a while after that, but after some time it occurs to me that I need to be lying flat somewhere. Looking-back on it I know that only my most essential lizard-brain is working at this point and calling Accident and Emergency wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, although it should have.

Besides, finding my mobile phone would have been mentally and physically impossible at that point. Looking back.

I remember the ordeal of trying to get up the stairs to the safety of my bed. THE BED IS ALWAYS SAFE.

My right hand is fucked, I can’t put any weight on it and can’t move the fingers. My left arm is fucked from the shoulder down to the elbow. I can’t even move it. My lower-back is not doing so well. Using my legs alone I push my body back up the stairs, using my head to drag myself up each stair.

I’ve no idea how long it takes, howling in pain with each stair.

It’s blank for a while again, but I do remember being in the safety of my bed at some point, spitting-out teeth fragments.

Probably – at a guess – twenty-four hours later and I can’t move. I can’t even roll-over the pain is so bad.

Pieces come back. Some time ago I had successfully walked to the top of my stairs – which shouldn’t be a cause for celebration but you’d be surprised – and realised that everything was going wrong. It’s the only way to describe it. I remember that.

Some unspecified time later I remember realising it was about to happen and desperately flailing to grab the banister in time. Obviously I didn’t make it.

I know I went backwards down a flight of stairs with every muscle in my body in seizure and incapable of preventing it.

Forty-eight hours later – another guess – and I can roll over in bed; it causes agony but I can do it. I can’t sit-up. Try doing it without the use of your arms when your lower-back is screaming in pain. Try it.

Thirty-six hours later and I’ve made a cup of tea that I need both hands to lift. Another day after that I’ve managed to have a shower and get dressed. I have to move my left arm with my upper-right arm but I can do it. Another day after that and I leave the house and buy some food like a normal person.

And now. Some time after all of this. The bruises are fluorescent yellow and deep purple – they look like badly executed tattoos and cover the bulk of my upper-body. Everything still hurts but in a sensible manner. My lower-teeth are more jagged than previously but they never looked great anyway. I know it’d taken place in the morning and I was heading upstairs after breakfast to have a shower and get dressed.

At some point before all this I know I’d gotten tired of measuring-out my life in medication (T.S. Eliot reference if anyone wants it) and ‘being sensible’. I’d grown tired of feeling defined by anything, stopped worrying about when or what I ate, how much or how little I exercised or slept, what I did or didn’t drink (and how much or little) and the fucking massive orange tablets. So I’d stopped.

I’m a father of two. Yes – I know.

Anyway. As anyone who has ever read this appalling blog will be aware, I’m not much for this sort of thing but I think next week or some day this week is Epilepsy Awareness month or week or something. I don’t know. Google it – I’m not your Dad. 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You fell down the fucking stairs? (This is largely rhetorical; you've said as much)

- fwengebola. I'm on my phone

10:42 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Fweng: *shrugs*

10:53 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ that sounds terrible. Donation made, anyhow. Maybe they'll use it to invent some smaller tablets.

12:03 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're (almost) okay.

Decrepitude and mortality. Man, how they suck.


4:28 am  
Blogger Miss Underscore said...

You remind me here of Thora Hird in that Alan Bennett tv play, A Cream Cracker Under the Settee. (I'm not your mum - Google it.)

Maybe it's time for a nice little bungalow?

6:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, perhaps less stairs might be a good thing. Or a tether round your waist. So glad that you are still this side of the earth, in spite of you giving up the meds and taking care of yourself bit.

An American Ghost

7:53 pm  
Blogger Norman Rampart said...

Drink lots of beer first then falling downstairs is A) easy and B) painless

12:01 am  
Anonymous looby said...

My brother's suffered from grand mal all his life. Something went wrong during the pregnancy but my mum's a bit old school and won't talk about womb-ish things with her son. He wears a fetching black tubular helmet now which does not in the slightest look ridiculous or silly.

Norman's advice is excellent. Fortunately I am half-pissed most of the time and have fine alcoholic shock absorbers.

3:14 pm  
Blogger BDM said...

So glad to see you posting more often despite the vicissitudes. We are here. We are listening. Bed is safe.

2:46 am  
Anonymous Old Dad said...

I was lucky.I fell down stairs while asleep (bedroom door is next to stairs on the way back from the bathroom). I remember stepping off into thin air, thinking "this is bad," then falling all the way to the bottom without touching a step, finishing up head down on the floor, legs halfway upstairs.

Spent weeks realising how lucky I was and what could have been. Despite the agony, well done for surviving it. If nothing else, this insignificant reader would miss the blog terribly...

5:19 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Anon: I wasn't suggesting anyone donate anything to anything but nice one. And hopefully.

Miss U: Oh very good.

AAG: Thanks and that. Back on the meds - I'm not a complete fool.

Norman: Hi. Not sure if that's really the way ahead though...

Looby: Bloody hell. You've just made me feel a hell of a lot better about my comparatively minor woes. Hope your brother's doing ok.

BDM: Many thanks.

Old Dad: Trust me, none of my six readers are insignificant.

4:57 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Norman: Just figured-out who you are. Hi!

4:59 pm  
Blogger lee woo said...

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. See the link below for more info.


7:41 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hi Lee Woo.

Now off you fuck, yeah?

5:13 pm  
Blogger Silvia Jacinto said...

I really love your blog there's a lot to share. Keep it up.Visit my site too.

2:45 am  

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