Friday, July 14, 2006

It's Been Bothering Me For Months

Sandwich/Coffee Shoppe.

(Oh yes. Shoppe. It was THAT sort of town).

I am on my lunch break. I require FOOD NOW.

The Woman In Front Of Me Standing In The Way Of My BLT says:

Can I have a black coffee.........................................................With milk.

Nobody kills her.

Somebody fills her (it is now hers) little cardboard cup with coffee, seals it, and then, after her just-long-enough-pause-for-her-drink-to-make-its-way-to-the-counter-exactly-as-ordered and then requires poor-sod coffee-person to swap-it-mid-service-and-put-her-precious-milk-in-it.

I am hungry and cross.

I order my usual BLT but without the lettuce and tomato.

You know. For a joke. To show a bit of solidarity against the awful Black Coffee.....With Milk Woman.

They do not get it. They look at me like I was odd.


Next: Oh I know. I promise.

14 Comments:

Blogger StyleyGeek said...

I've been forced into ordering flat whites that way by the fact they are called different things in every single country I've lived in. And apart from lurking in a coffee shop long enough to hear what other people call it (which can take a long time if it's not the most common type of coffee), you are forced to describe it the best you can.

But the pause is unnecessary.

7:27 am  
Blogger Pie said...

At Mcdonalds there was a woman he frequently ordered a burger without meat. We felt sorry for her and used to offer her two buns instead but she'd only take the one - and pay full price for a burger for it. Just go to the frickin' bakery and buy one for like 10p.

I prefer my BLT without bacon, lettuce or tomato and with cheese and pickle instead.

10:10 am  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

My workmate Bambi gets a BLT but she doesn't like bacon so I eat that. She hasn't twigged yet what she's doing wrong.

3:40 pm  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Your joke was funny, TD, but I can imagine how unimpressed the staff were. Like you think they care to be amused? Funny thing is, they're undoubtedly avid readers of this very blog and piss themselves laughing at your gags all the time. Now they'll know you. And kill you. Or at the very least spit in your BLT.

5:26 pm  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Your joke was funny, TD, but I can imagine how unimpressed the staff were. Like you think they care to be amused? Funny thing is, they're undoubtedly avid readers of this very blog and piss themselves laughing at your gags all the time. Now they'll know you. And kill you. Or at the very least spit in your BLT.

5:26 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Styley: Welcome.

Pie: She probably just wanted the attention poor love. Probably fed the bun to her cats when she got home.

Dinners: She's probably just fattening you up. Watch her.

*: Shit. SHIT. I have GOT to sttop writing this thing.

6:42 pm  
Blogger Cynnie said...

aww..in spanish countries, if you order black coffee..it will have sugar in it..they can't fathom coffee without sugar..
But Milk? thats a whole different beast..it's cafe con leche

1:28 am  
Blogger Gentleman-hobbs said...

Brilliant really entertaining stuff throughout. I too have concern for the national mentality.
I recently said to someone, do you know your problem. You don't know fuck nothing you know fuck all. And the twat said. MMMMM let me get back to you on that!!!

11:55 am  
Blogger Amanda said...

rofl ( got it right this time *rolls eyes*) my friend always asked for half a cup.

11:22 am  
Blogger Sabrina said...

You wouldn't (probably would) believe some of the things we get asked for at my bar.

An Americano is an espresso with added water. A filter coffee just happens to be the same amount of espresso. with. added. water.

If anyone is poncey enough to ask for an Americano, I charge them the Americano price. (I can be bar-mean on occasion with the appropriate customer).

But to those who ask for an Americano with milk, or a white Americano, or a black latte... I just don't know what to charge these fools.

In fact, there were getting to be so many ridiculous requests that we started to write a book listing them. It helps us channel our bile away from the offending customer.

So beware... be nice to the person who serves you. Know your order, and never, ever ask for the guinness last.

You may end up in The Book.

10:29 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

C: Go to Greece. They think coffee is Nescafe.

G-H: Thanks. And, er, great.

Amanda: I STILL do not know what you mean. I ONLY speak English.

Sabrina: 'and never, ever ask for the guinness last'. THE WORDS OF A TRUE BARTENDER!

11:28 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ALWAYS order an Americano!! Now I know why they look at me funny!
Tired Mam (mum) by the way. Although, not so tired since I got the gas leak fixed.

11:11 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

*SIGH*

I said you could READ it.

12:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:44 am  

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