Licensed to Kill*
I need cigarettes.
My local off-licence is conveniently situated 1 minute and 32 seconds walk away from my front door.
I go there.
Woman in front of me in queue.
Troll Woman Behind Counter: Are you seeing him tonight?
Woman In Front Of Me: Aye.
TWBC: Give him theym from us.
Hands over box of Roses chocolates.
WIFOM: Aaar. Thanks.
She departs. TWBC notices that I have overheard.
TWBC: Aye. She’s the sister of one of our customers. He hasn’t got long. The drink, ya knaw. Liver’s knackered. Another operation this week. They say it’ll be a miracle if he pulls through. Nae chance, really.
Me: Em. O.K. then. Twenty Regal Filter please.
TWBC: There ya gan.
We complete our transaction.
TWBC: [quietly] Such a shame. [To herself] One of our best customers an’all.
*Title suggested by semi-anonymous reader Philip. Genius, and much better than all I had thought of.
Not very funny post-script 13/11/06. He's dead. Didn't make it throught the surgery. 28 years old. I don't know his name.
My local off-licence is conveniently situated 1 minute and 32 seconds walk away from my front door.
I go there.
Woman in front of me in queue.
Troll Woman Behind Counter: Are you seeing him tonight?
Woman In Front Of Me: Aye.
TWBC: Give him theym from us.
Hands over box of Roses chocolates.
WIFOM: Aaar. Thanks.
She departs. TWBC notices that I have overheard.
TWBC: Aye. She’s the sister of one of our customers. He hasn’t got long. The drink, ya knaw. Liver’s knackered. Another operation this week. They say it’ll be a miracle if he pulls through. Nae chance, really.
Me: Em. O.K. then. Twenty Regal Filter please.
TWBC: There ya gan.
We complete our transaction.
TWBC: [quietly] Such a shame. [To herself] One of our best customers an’all.
*Title suggested by semi-anonymous reader Philip. Genius, and much better than all I had thought of.
Not very funny post-script 13/11/06. He's dead. Didn't make it throught the surgery. 28 years old. I don't know his name.
posted by Tired Dad at
7:49 pm
21 Comments:
The Cigarette Incident?
Or, How to Get Yo'self Some Free Roses?
Mostly Dead's Still Not Dead.
One might recall the song from the eighties with the refrain, "We're here for a good time, not a long time, so have a good time . . ."
Clarissa: Oh yes. The first one would have worked.
Liking the second.
Amphimacer: Also very fond, but the reference is beyond me.
It seems this comment section is going to be inter-interactive. No. That's wrong. Meta-interactive. No. That is also wrong. A homogeny of negotiation. Shite.
If only Cadbury made White Lillies instead of Roses.
Ooooh.
Very good.
Front Runner at the minute.
(Just so everyone knows. This happened some weeks ago but I have checked and he is not dead yet. So this is officially Not Distasteful. Although it is a matter of weeks apparently.
Vodka sales at the offy have gone THROUGH THE FLOOR I am informed.)
Stuffed liver to go?..
OK, I'll go back into hiding.
Licensed to kill..?
How's about "Awkward" as the title?
World becomes better after man drinks himself to death.
"Like a dealer lamenting the death of a junkie he gave a wrap of rat poison to. Say it with Roses."
Excuse me. I am very tired.
Ummm...ugly American here. I didn't understand a word she said.
Frenchie: No. Don't go away. Would have been very good. If stuffed liver were a popular takeaway. Perhaps it is. But not round my house.
Philip: Hello. VERY good.
Grax: Jesus. How about NOT.
RD: I am VERY tempted.
M_G: Good God man. You should get your own blog. Oh. Well. You should write one at least.
Lee: Apologies to American and any non-North East of England readers. Concentrate and you'll probably get it. Basic linguistics - structure is everything.
The Naked Liquid Lunch.
So, I'm guessing you'll be a good customer elsewhere? And, did you enjoy that pack, then?
How about "You Always Hurt the One You Love"?
there are so many inconsiderate gits around. You become a best customer then die! What use is that to out corner shops then??
My decision is made.
Anyone reading the comments may now be a bit confused.
To explain. I was stuck for a title for the post, so flung it open. Someone cleverer than me came up with a good one. That is all.
You are too kind, really
Terrible and the title is excellent.
Oops, that PS really isn't very funny. He was one of their best customers, an' all.
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