Thursday, October 18, 2007

The DVD Incident

It’s the small things that trouble me really.

I’ve had alarming house fires, impossible decisions regarding unborn and very-newly born children, career-threatening personal anguish, potential homelessness for me and my family and all sorts of grown-up-man things.

That I’ve dealt with. Without a thought.

Lend me a DVD though. I’m a wreck for half a year. It’s just too much responsibility.

Six months ago.

I am In The Pub.

Surrounded by brothers,other family and friends. There is no reason for anything Odd to occur. We are obviously safe from random events of minor importance but enormous Strangeness.

The things that REALLY trouble me.

A classic scenario ensues:

You’re stood around having a drink with a load of people you know. Random Bloke joins you and stands, drink in hand, nodding enthusiastically at anything said whilst grinning in a ‘hey I’m cool’ manner. After some time you feel compelled to include him in the conversation, assuming he must know at least one of your number.

Random Bloke goes to the Gents.

Me: Seems like a nice chap. How do you know him?

Dempsey [My Brother]: I don’t. He lives across the street from me I think. I thought you knew him. You’ve been quite chatty.

Me: Christ. Only because I thought he was your mate. I didn’t want to piss you off by being rude to him. I take that Public Information Broadcast really seriously. I NEVER talk to strangers.

Dempsey: What?

Me: Before your time. Christ. He might be a Mental. Jesus.

Dempsey: Sup up. We’ve got cabs. We’re going.

We depart in a fleet of cars and arrive at an Emporium of Alcoholic Beverages I would happily burn to the ground.

Some more drinks are consumed and I shout at strangers who bump into me and fortunately they do not hear me.

After fifteen minutes Random Bloke arrives.

RB: Must have got left behind. Whose round is it? Mine?

We chat for a bit. At this point I am beginning to feel bad for RB. Unsurprisingly, he turns out to be a big sci-fi fan. I am not, but I humour him. He talks about a show called Firefly.

I have not seen it as I am in my thirties and have had sex with real women.

He offers to lend me the DVD of the movie version.

I accept, secure in the knowledge that this is a lot of Big Talk. There shall be no lending of DVDs, no unwritten social contract that is usually involved in the lending of things, and I shall never see this man again.

It’s late. I’ve shouted at a number of large men who have felt that the quickest way to the gents is THROUGH anyone in my vicinity and decide it is time to retire. Before Something Bad And Bigger Than Me happens.

After embracing many lampposts I retire to my bed, content that I am safe and that no further oddness shall trouble me.



Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

Boozing with you would be fun. Possibly lethal but fun.

WTF is Firefly?

8:56 pm  
Anonymous frenchie said...

wow it looks so cool. Hey, hurry up with part two.

Ooh and now I know how old you are.

9:03 pm  
Blogger Misssy M said...

Students would foist DVDs on me all the time when I was teaching...and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I have a house full of unwanted and unwatched films which of course I have never returned in case they asked me what I thought of the unwanted and unwatched films.

Except that box set of Curb your Enthusiasm. I just kept that...

11:00 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Dinners: I always seem to live through it so I think I'm ok.

Frenchie: Are you stalking me?

Missy: Lend me it. The 'Curb' thing I mean.

11:30 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hope he dint wake up in ue bed...

3:22 am  
Blogger Peach said...

go on go on you can't leave it like that go ON

11:40 am  
Blogger Rachel said...

I was so glad to see something new from you this morning. I was in the mood for some TD.

2:59 pm  
Blogger John said...

So what happened next? Did one of the embraced lampposts give you a ring to inform you that they were late? Are you gonna be a dad again? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

5:20 pm  
Blogger Windypops said...

Firefly/Serenity nerds are the worst. They're not going to make another series. JUST...LET...IT...GO.

1:00 pm  
Blogger Mr Farty said...

I get lent copies of Star Trek TNG books, FFS. Now if they had photos of Denise Crosby, I might be interested...

9:11 pm  
Blogger Clarissa said...

You should bring favourite daughter out with you. I'm sure she'd have the perfect lines to shut up those random blokes.

2:06 pm  
Blogger Frogdancer said...

"Or so I thought" ???

Obviously whatever happened next was so traumatic that you've lost the power to type....

Come on man! Surely it can't be as bad as all that?
Or maybe the weekend was a lot more fun.
Either way, what happened next?

10:04 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Pup: Ok. We're letting the gay stuff go for a bit.

Peach: Seriously.I have an actual life. Soon. (ie: 10 mins before I updated this. I mean typed this. Christ)

Rach: For you.

John: Howling more like.

Windy: You clearly know more about this than I.

Farty: With Windy on the sci-fi naughty step.

Clarissa: She's only five but I would bloody love to. She'd take the legs out from of any twat in a five-mile radius. I don't know where she gets it.

Frog-person: Alright, it's done.

10:55 pm  

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