Conversations With My Mother Vs. Conversations With My Daughter.
Me: [Suddenly feeling about a trillion years old] What?
Mother: It’s just. I want the pictures off my phone and on to my laptop. But the blue tongue thing doesn’t like it.
I stop grinding my teeth and stare at the wall for a while. I think of happier times.
Me: Blue tongue?
Mother: I thought you knew about this stuff.
Me: I’m not a vet.
Me: It’s ‘blue tooth’.
Mother: Well I’m not an effing dentist so there’s no need to be sarcy.
Me: I’m going for a cigarette.
Some time later.
Favourite Daughter:[Five years of age] Have you had your hair cut Daddy?
Me: Yes sweetheart.
Me: Because it looked stupid.
FD: It looks even stupider now.
Me: ‘More stupid’. Not ‘Stupider’.
FD: Oh. Ok. Your hair looks more stupid now Daddy.
Me: That’s better.