People have to really be Something to impress me. I am not easily won over. But Grant From Work is my new personal hero.
It’s strange how a business meeting can bend the space-time continuum.
You’re in there for three days, but when you leave the meeting room a mere thirty minutes have passed.
I have a new boss. She is all about the meetings. Every morning. Each identical.
Each so stultifyingly tedious I would gladly eat a tramps cock to get out.
I have ground my teeth until I am merely mashing gums. When we have the chance – because normally we are stuck in dreadful meetings – all any of us have the time to do is complain about the number of tiresome meetings we have to attend before we are called into another one, the subject of which is usually to do with lack of productivity due to meeting-related activity.
Tedious Boss: We know things are really hard at the minute, what with the current economical climate…
Yes. We do know that. Thanks for reinforcing it though. And it’s ‘economic’ not ‘economical’.
Tedious Boss: But we’ve just got to get out there and do our best…
As opposed to what? Staying at home, doing nothing and getting fired? Genius.
And so it goes. For half an hour each morning.
This Friday morning, twenty of us endure another daily identical meeting with Tedious Boss. Grant From Work has been up late the previous night, or at least looks it.
The following is 100% true.
Grant From Work yawns. In the middle of the meeting.
Not a little yawn. But a Bagpuss yawn. The sort of yawn you would imagine Henry the Eighth performing after eating 10 wild boar, drinking a gallon of mead and fucking fifteen wenches. It was a big old yawn right there is my point.
Flies stop in mid-air. All is silent.
A minute passes. Grant From Work does not appear concerned. All eyes are on him.
Tedious Boss: Oh. I’m sorry Grant From Work. Am I boring you?
Another minute passes. Literally. Grant From Work gazes expressionless at Tedious Boss. Some more time passes. Nineteen people are clenching everything they have.
Grant From Work: [Deadpan] Yes.
Tedious Boss: Well. Ok. Do you have any suggestions as to how we generate new revenue in this economical –
Grant From Work: Actually, I’ve got a client I need to call and a deadline so –
Grant From Work leaves the meeting room. Eighteen other people make grumbling noises and follow him.
I instantly forgive him the fact that he looks like a boogly-eyed daddy-long-legs when he dances and repels every woman I do not accidently assualt.
Tedious Boss is left alone with a flip-chart.
It actually happened.