Wednesday, December 05, 2012


There are an awful lot of plasma-screens in my new office. I squint at them.
New Boss: Do you need glasses?
I tell him a story.
Me: I tore the corneas of both my eyes.
NB: Jesus!
Me: I know.
NB: What happened?
Me: I wore contact lenses for years, but my eyes are a funny shape. ‘Pointy’, according to my optician. Don’t know how many years he spent at Optician School to come up with that diagnosis…
I wait for the expected snort. I’ve told this story a hundred times.
NB: *snort*
Me: So I couldn’t wear the soft ones. Too big, they’d just fall out because of my ‘pointy eyes’ [I make the ‘inverted commas’ gesture with my fingers] So I had to wear the gas permeable ones. They’re really small. And they’re like glass. I wore the same pair for eight years. My eyes changed shape, the contact lenses didn’t and my eyes got all fucked-up.
NB: Fuck mate. Sorry.
Me: *shrug*
It’s a true story. What I never mention is that it was years ago and my eyes healed without any trouble and that I could very easily wear lenses or glasses now but can’t be bothered. I can see two foot in front of me – beyond that I really don’t care what’s happening anyway.
But that wouldn’t be such a good story. Stories are important things. And words are powerful things.
And besides – it’s just a small story.
Like this one.


Anonymous Raoul said...

Small can be good, especially when you've been kept waiting ;-)

10:56 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

I was in a state of panic whilst reading most of that blog seeing as my other half also has strange shaped eyes and has to wear gas-permeable lenses!!

His optician described them as 'rugby-ball' shaped. As you say - how many years at optician school for that?!

Anyway, glad to hear that you were FINE and that I needn't expect torn corneas here any time soon :-D

Hope you're enjoying new job!

Ali x

8:45 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely with the comment above. It needed to be said and I trust you'll take that on board TD.

12:17 pm  
Blogger Ellie said...

We must have had the same shape eyes. I was told mine were 'steep' (not pointy); but the net-net was the same: I was stuck with gas permeable, and they were an pair of uncomfortable bitches.

1:00 pm  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

If God had wanted us to wear contacts, he wouldn't have created Benjamin Franklin.

10:07 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good words TD x

11:58 am  
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3:59 am  
Anonymous Two sandwiches said...

Gordon Bennett! Some of these comments are as bad as the handwritten junk mail to Daniel from your previous post.

P.S. I detest people making the inverted commas gesture with their fingers, particularly when they are in any case changing their voice to emphasis a quotation. It is a redundant and uncouth gesture.

12:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have you topped yourself?

10:35 am  
Anonymous monkeymother said...

I know quality is more important than quantity, and all that, but WHERE ARE YOU?

I get anxious, you know.

10:28 am  
Blogger Lauren said...

Yeah, where are you? Hope you're OK.

1:52 am  
Anonymous Johnners said...

I've been away - clearly so have you. Come back Tired, it's all gone a bit too pink and pleasant here without you. J

9:39 pm  

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