Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Month And A Half.

I suppose I had better write something. I've been emailed asking what I'm doing and everything.

By one person but it still counts.

I've wracked my brains and the thing is...well, nothing much has happened. So, we're going to get all, like, interactive and shit as I briefly mention some tedious events of the past few weeks and all six of my readers can cast a vote as to which they would like to become an actual proper blog post.

I know. Amazing.

This is what I've got:

1) It seems I have a broken toe.

2) I attempt to travel the length of England by train despite realising ten minutes before departure that my tickets are only valid for the previous day.

3) My house is broken-into in the middle of the night, whilst I am at home - hilarity does not ensue.

4) I 'am involved in' an absurd confrontation in a fast-food outlet in the Cotswolds. By 'am involved in' I mean 'foolishly provoke'.

And that's been it, to be honest. Eight weeks. I may as well not exist.

Not included in the list are -

A) Bitter-sweet snatched moments with my son and daughter about which I write mawkish posts. Let's face it, we'll all sick of those.

B) 'Amusing' observations about how, like, working relationships are a bit like, you know, ACTUAL romantic ones - featuring myself and Blonde Colleague. It wasn't a very funny joke to begin with and no-one seemed to 'get it' and just thought we were going to have some sort of affair or something and didn't fully appreciate the totally hilarious irony inherent in my amazingly brilliant writing. So enough of that. Blame yourselves.

That's it I think. Cast your votes.

(Hint: not the 'broken toe' thing. It's really not that interesting.)


Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Somethings changed. Where is the universal self-detestation?
Where is the cynical and vitriolic (yet subtly ironic) comments on office life?
Where is the TD of old?

Confess; you're an imposter. You're an inhabitant of the office pod-like replicator who's taken over TD's life and purpose...

You poor b*stard.

Life as a unicellular pond-scum-dweller would be preferrable.

Broken toe?

Where's the romance, the pathos, the saccharine sweetness of the lovely kids?

I cast my vote. Now.

3:28 am  
Blogger Jill of All Trades said...

I wanna know where you came up with this line: "So, we're going to get all, like, interactive and shit..."? Your self-described persona does not leave wiggle room for unexpected nods to MIA-speak.

I caught you on a down swing, I'm afraid-only know you retroactively by trawling (that's what they say, isn't it?) your old posts. If you are, in fact, an new version of TD, then chances are your trying to get rid of the old TD's readers cause you don't want that kind of pressure. I get that. So here I am, I'm like, new, and shit.

My vote: just tell us about yourself then, so we don't get confused with the old you.

6:44 am  
Blogger InvisibleWoman said...

Doh, and here's me thinking you must have run off with Miss Underscore and put all this misery-blogging behind you. It's half seven on a Saturday morning, I've been awake for hours and I'm knackered already so quite frankly you could just tell me what you're having for breakfast and I would be amused. Knock yourself out.
PS I like radge stories best.

8:02 am  
Blogger Frances Pringle said...

Number 4 please.

And I too have been wondering...

8:35 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do them all and space them out. Blogging's quite tolerant of people playing a bit fast with chronology.

But definitely 3) and 4).

9:20 am  
Blogger Mrs Jones said...

What Looby said. You can get several postings-worth out of that lot if you spin them out a bit. We won't mind, promise.

2:57 pm  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

I'm in favor of any of those. Except the toe. We've all done that, and t's only funny if you're watching someone else break their toe. Reading about it just doesn't compare.

3:10 pm  
Blogger Plummy Mummy said...

Is this one of those rhetorical questions as you can't actually be arsed to write in detail about any of those things.
I shan't vote then.

6:09 pm  
Blogger Patience_Crabstick said...

I vote for the fast food restaurant confrontation.

6:18 pm  
Blogger Dan said...

I vote for all of them, just to make you work harder :D

Yes, including the broken toe. ESPECIALLY if it is literally "Dropped a lamp on it, it broke. Three hours in A&E"

10:47 pm  
Blogger Z said...

It seems you have ten readers. Now I'm jealous. I write every sodding day, and for what? Anyway, I vote for 4 too.

10:50 pm  
Anonymous Two sandwiches said...

Gonna stick my neck out and say I think we may have had the fast food restaurant confrontation or something similar before. But the break in is a fresh horror of modern life. I hope nothing personal was taken or left behind. Tell us more (and glad to hear from you in any case).

11:43 pm  
Blogger Jill of All Trades said...

Shall I LOL at Z's comment? Old TD would HATE that, "this is not a bloody forum"....LOL.

10:47 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

three point five.

4:12 pm  
Blogger Dave Shelton said...

I'm for the train story, though I seem to be alone in this. Breaks and break ins and sound too much like genuine drama.

And, come to think of it, you know full well, I suspect, that much of your best writing comes from writing well about nothing much happening (e.g. the attempting to kick a ball back to some kids post, which was hilarious) so 'nothing much has happened' is no reason not to post.

'I can't be arsed and I don't owe you anything', however, is perfectly fine.

9:32 am  
Blogger Dave Shelton said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:32 am  
Blogger Dave Shelton said...

Oops. Double posted somehow. Deleted the spare. Also, please ignore the superfluous "and".

9:40 am  
Anonymous pete_at_raspberry said...

Hi TD!

Can I vote for 3 and 4 please. To be honest, I appreciate all your posts; write what you want. Don't worry about me, sat in this office...

Also the occasional mawkish one with the kids is good.

10:53 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no 4 please as its local to me

3:43 pm  
Anonymous Me said...

I don't care - just write something!

10:06 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

Everything except the toe. Thanking you in anticipation.

2:03 am  
Anonymous carnalis said...

you have more material there than most of us .. write them all.

Also - are your neighbours still fighting?

8:26 am  
Anonymous Si said...

Either 2 or 4 then


9:11 am  
Anonymous Gibbon said...

Number 4, please - with bells on!

12:47 pm  
Blogger Furtheron said...

The "confrontation the Cotswolds" see what i did there - trying to make it sound something like "rumble in the jungle"...

Hey - you only post once in months and get more comments on that than I do in a year!

11:34 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of them but especially no.4. (and the toe - some of your best posts come from "really not that interesting" scenarios).
and a couple of mawkish posts, of which I am not sick.

2:13 pm  
Blogger Ellie said...

All of the above.

6:25 pm  
Anonymous Elaine said...

Oh please tell us ALL your stories! You may think they are boring but it's still interesting to me.

9:24 pm  
Blogger Lauren said...

Anything - just happy to see you haven't chucked it in.

4:41 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Number 4, please. Obviously.

12:10 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Oh, hello everyone.

TSB: As ever, no idea what you're on about.

Jill: Hello. I was being all 'ironic'. Not sure what you mean by "down-swing" but ok. And not sure what the rest of your comment means either, to be honest. But thanks.

Invisible: She has been quiet for a while, hasn't she? However, no, I am not to blame. 'Radge' it is - ie: 4. (Your vote, not my decision. Actually, this is all quite confusing already.)

Frances: 4, then. ABOUT WHAT? The parmaviolettea lady? I'VE NOT EVEN MET HER.

loob: Hello. It's looking like 4 to be honest.

Mrs. Jones: Oh it would be defeating the object. Not that I'm sure what that actually is....

So, 4 is the current favourite.

Tracey: Agreed.

Plummy: No-one likes a smart-arse.

Patience: Hello. Ok.

Dan: Hello. Who are you, then? I'm not doing the lot because, well, I'm not. But - just for you - here is the Broken Toe Post:

I realise my toe is broken. "How did that happen?" I think to myself. Frustratingly, I can recall no specific incident.

Don't thank me.

Z: 4 it is. Every day? Always leave 'em wanting more. Like I say about the ladies - treat 'em mean, watch them get fed up with it and leave you and all your hopes for the rest of your life crumble to dust. That's the saying, isn't it?

Two: Certain we haven't although pointless confrontations are a bit of a 'thing' with me. Let me know if I'm wrong. I can't tell you about the break-in as all the votes are not yet in.

Jill: Sort-of know what you mean, but not sure why Z's comment provoked it?

Anon: Oh, we've got a clever twat have we?

Dave: You are currently alone with 2, but we'll see. And you made me go back and read the stupid 'ball story' which was an odd trip down memory lane but thanks. And you've also rumbled this whole sorry enterprise but don't bloody tell anyone.

Pete: Well hello again. I'm calling it 4 because that seems to be the prevailing wind. And thank you.

Anon: Oh you poor bloody sod.

Me: Alright. I'm doing this for free, you know. Settle down.

Em: That seems fair.

carnalis: I will not be doing all. I don't think. And I can't talk about the neighbours as it may be an important element of a proposed post, although the voting isn't going that way. Intriguing!

Si: I'm taking 4, as the weight of opinion seems to be behind it.

Gibbon: Ok.

Furtheron: 4 it is. And I don't know what to tell you.

Anon: Another for 4. I am not doing the 'toe' (see above).

Ellie: NO. Maybe. Oh, I don't know. But certainly the one with most votes first.

Elaine: Many thanks.

Lauren: Thanks. I'm still here, just resting.

Anon: So it seems.

8:12 pm  
Anonymous NickyB said...

Can you run off with Miss Underscore please?

9:33 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

NickyB: What the hell is all this, now? Eh?

6:56 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

You got broken into in the middle of the night WHILE YOU WERE AT HOME???

That must have been terrifying!

And 'mawkish' posts about the kids? No - we're not sick of them at all. It's lovely to read about a man loving his kids. So don't stop.

Sorry about the toe - sounds sore.

Ali x

10:02 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Ali: Oh hello, didn't notice you down here. Yes I was, and yes it was. Briefly. (Cryptic!)

And we'll see.

And the toe is now fine.


8:39 pm  

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