Saturday, May 06, 2006

Don't try this at home

Bloody birds. How they can sound so cheerful at this hour of the day is beyond me.

As a child, I decided that the only way to know for sure was to conduct an experiment. There was something troubling me about my Lego-men. Not the fact that their entire head would come off when you tried to remove their space-helmets - although that was tiresome and probably quite inconvenient for them - but something else.

I retrieve a long length of thread from the old biscuit tin that served as my mam's sewing box, and tie one end securely around space Lego-man's head. And wait.

When the time comes, I retire to the bathroom and perform some rather lengthy ablutions. Before leaving, I drop Lego-man into the Bog of Eternal Stench and, keeping hold of one end of the thread, flush.

The thread spools out in a pleasing Jaws - type manner, and I wait for the foam to settle.

Slowly, carefully, I pull him back out. I dangle him in front of me without touching him. I am astonished.

The little FUCKER is still BLOODY SMILING.

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Next: Mentals.

4 Comments:

Blogger Tired Dad said...

Not entirely.

Did no-one get my reference to appalling '80's child-friendly fantasy film Labyrinth? With David Bowie? Bet he felt a prick after that one. Or not. When you've bought Switzerland I doubt you get embarrassed about anything much.

2:47 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:45 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hell's teeth. Despite the wealth of documentary evidence to the contrary, I'd think you were my other half, who had created a fake persona to spy on me.

General belief around here also that Chunk rules. However, would have to argue about Never Ending - didn't see the other ones but hate them by default. It was meant to never - end in your imagination surely?? Not in the money-grabber sequel-hungry pockets? I am 32. Should I get over this this? And is it possible to watch Labyrinth as an adult without commenting - favourably or otherwise - on Bowies 'packet'?

Oh, and thanks for the link. Not sure what to do about that, or about my place in general. Whilst mulling it over, I hope you don't think me rude. Or a cad - I liked that, but it seems to have gone??

1:45 AM

1:55 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

I haven't. Never really understood the appeal of the joly green giant. And the CGI looked shite.

10:52 pm  

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