Saturday, May 06, 2006

Don't try this at home

Bloody birds. How they can sound so cheerful at this hour of the day is beyond me.

As a child, I decided that the only way to know for sure was to conduct an experiment. There was something troubling me about my Lego-men. Not the fact that their entire head would come off when you tried to remove their space-helmets - although that was tiresome and probably quite inconvenient for them - but something else.

I retrieve a long length of thread from the old biscuit tin that served as my mam's sewing box, and tie one end securely around space Lego-man's head. And wait.

When the time comes, I retire to the bathroom and perform some rather lengthy ablutions. Before leaving, I drop Lego-man into the Bog of Eternal Stench and, keeping hold of one end of the thread, flush.

The thread spools out in a pleasing Jaws - type manner, and I wait for the foam to settle.

Slowly, carefully, I pull him back out. I dangle him in front of me without touching him. I am astonished.

The little FUCKER is still BLOODY SMILING.

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Next: Mentals.

8 Comments:

Blogger Fluff said...

But no longer yellow i'm thinking.

4:56 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Not entirely.

Did no-one get my reference to appalling '80's child-friendly fantasy film Labyrinth? With David Bowie? Bet he felt a prick after that one. Or not. When you've bought Switzerland I doubt you get embarrassed about anything much.

2:47 am  
Blogger Fluff said...

Oh i got it.
And i have it. On DVD.
They made some bloody good kids films in the 80s.
i have The Dark Crystal, Return to Oz, all of The Never Ending Stories etc.
Oh and JUST bought The Goonies on dvd.
Forced my kids to watch it!
Actually the middle one was properly petrified when Data fell down the pit under the wishing well and only saved himself using his Pinches Of Power.
And by watched the deleted scenes you finally realise what Data is on about when he says 'the scary octopus' on telling their tale to their parents on the beach. Turns out it was a monster they deleted in the movie! And all this time i thought Data was having a mini episode.
Best character ever is Chunk though. Pure gold. And how cute to see little baby THIN Samwise Gamgee or whatever his name is.

10:38 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:45 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hell's teeth. Despite the wealth of documentary evidence to the contrary, I'd think you were my other half, who had created a fake persona to spy on me.

General belief around here also that Chunk rules. However, would have to argue about Never Ending - didn't see the other ones but hate them by default. It was meant to never - end in your imagination surely?? Not in the money-grabber sequel-hungry pockets? I am 32. Should I get over this this? And is it possible to watch Labyrinth as an adult without commenting - favourably or otherwise - on Bowies 'packet'?

Oh, and thanks for the link. Not sure what to do about that, or about my place in general. Whilst mulling it over, I hope you don't think me rude. Or a cad - I liked that, but it seems to have gone??

1:45 AM

1:55 am  
Blogger Fluff said...

I'm not your obviously long suffering wife dear heart. And 32 eh? Whippersnapper then.
I myself am just tentatively approaching the evil big three oh. But shh. Obviously i'm really counting backwards from here on in.

Bowies package.. its aluring.. and mind boggling. You dont see vagrant displays of manhood on childrens tv anymore. David must of struggled keeping it under control around Jennifer Connely (or whatever her name is). The ripe young flesh of a flowering er flower.
Perhaps he didnt!
Would explain why she seems to have lapsed completely into anorexia nervosa. Have you seen The Hulk?

8:40 am  
Blogger Fluff said...

Oh and you are definately a cad. And perhaps even a bounder!

8:42 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

I haven't. Never really understood the appeal of the joly green giant. And the CGI looked shite.

10:52 pm  

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