Thursday, November 23, 2006

New Neighbours.

This occurred today.

For some months the houses to the left and right of our humble terraced abode have been vacant.

To the left due to the fact that the guy’s wife had left him and he had gone away on what one can only assume to be an extended party. (There is a longer story here but it may be for a later time).

To the right due to the ongoing not-being-aliveness of the elderly lady who had inhabited it. She was quite stubborn in the whole not-being-alive-anymore arena.

The left, I am informed by Tired Mam, saw activity of the moving-in nature today. A couple. No children. Thirties, she reckoned.

I am concerned, due to previous neighbour scenarios at other addresses. (Again, another time). It had been quite nice not having any.

Late this evening. I am in the back yard having a cigarette. Over the wall I can hear two gentlemen in the back yard of next door having what seems to be a post-moving-exertion chat. It is clear that one is New Occupant, the other is mate/brother who has helped.

In the manner of all men, they are having a conversation totally irrelevant to the task at hand. On this occasion a tele-vision show involving people who are not in the least celebrated by the general populace but are still referred to as ‘celebrities’ and that is apparently hosted by someone called ‘Antandec’.

I smoke my cigarette and listen for a bit.

Suddenly the back door of my new neighbour is flung open and a lady enters the back yard.

Unseen Lady: [Very Emotional]: Boxes. Boxes. BOXES. Everywhere. BOXES!!

Unseen lady then bursts into tears and there is the sound of a door slamming behind her as she re-enters her new abode.

There is silence for a minute.

Unseen Man: Say what you like about Antandec, he can make anything watchable.

Companion: Oh yeah.




As neighbours go, they seem quite normal.

35 Comments:

Anonymous Sir Stewart Wallace said...

Those guys sound pretty normal. Their response seems like the only sensible way to deal with a hysterical woman.

11:32 am  
Blogger Fussy Bitch said...

She obviously hadn't found the kettle yet, poor love.

12:55 pm  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

Next door was empty for 2 years. It was great. Now we've got non English speaking neighbours. Dunno what the fuck they're on about but they are very expressive. I have to put my own translations onto whatever they're saying. It makes the wife laugh anyroad. I might post it soon. It's very un-pc.

4:10 pm  
Blogger Pickled Olives said...

Well, hell, boxes happen when you move.

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Blogger Clarissa said...

I think Antandec is one of the hobbits that got cut out of the movie.

11:48 am  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Oh god I'd love to have no neighbours. Or even neighbours with no kids. As it happens I have two sets of neighbours. Both with kids. And when they all start crying on a Sunday afternoon it does my fucking nut in. Stereo crying kids. I'd rather rather the Antandec show, and that really is saying something.

3:11 pm  
Blogger Will said...

Antandec - new brand of suncream (factor 10 only)?

11:31 am  
Blogger d34dpuppy said...

mabe if ur tha wonder kids scream n cry a lot thay will move

4:43 pm  
Blogger Cynnie said...

I have children in every fucking house in my neighborhood..
But luckily all the houses on this god forsaken island are made of concrete..so it's very quiet..


If i had been the hysterical woman ..there would have been two men laying there with their knees kicked out from under them ..
I don't cry..i get mean.

6:47 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

BawBags: They also sound fine to me.

FB: Welcome.

Dinners: I'll look forward to it.

PO: I KNOW.

Anon: Do fuck off will you.

Clarissa: I'm still trying to fathom the Antandec. He seems very popular around here.

*: Try living with it.

Will: Seems unlikely.

PuppyGuy: For goodness sake. What?

C: I want your concrete house. But you are scary.

10:44 pm  
Blogger fwengebola said...

I like sexwars. They are fun.
I was in a guitar shop in Brighton today. I overheard a man say 'Women shouldn't be allowed to buy guitars as all they care about is the colour.'
She replied almost as dispassionately, 'Well all men are wankers.'

Summed us all up perfectly, I thought.

12:11 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

That. Is.

Fucking hell. Don't squander that sort of suff on other people's comments my good man.

That is Gold.

12:23 am  
Blogger RD said...

Do you want to swap neighbours?

They live up north but are from Lemmington Spa.

They are really fat.

They have 3 kids who are really fat.

They drive a Jeep 250yrds down the street to take their fat kids to and from school.

You can have them for free.

10:08 am  
Blogger RD said...

Do you want to swap neighbours?

They live up north but are from Lemmington Spa.

They are really fat.

They have 3 kids who are really fat.

They drive a Jeep 250yrds down the street to take their fat kids to and from school.

You can have them for free.

10:08 am  
Blogger fwengebola said...

That was going to go in my post about Brighton but as that ended up being a blow-by-blow account of how not to obtain sex, I thought I'd share sexistguitarwanker here.

My neighbours are Poles who like to laugh in the very specific direction of me and my large Northern flatmate.

And get drunk and wave a gun about (yes, seriously.)

10:32 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

They sound superb.

12:06 am  
Blogger Lee said...

Well, my 40 year old man neighbor was caught peeking in my son's bedroom window, so I think I win.

Or lose, as the case may be.

2:25 pm  
Blogger la fille mariée said...

That poor, poor woman.

Men suck. No, really. They do. :)

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Blogger Huei said...

Wow interesting blog :)

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