Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Guest Post.

I shan’t give my name for fear of further contact with Mad People. But I am female, an adult scholar and my parents are third-generation Korean-English. Imbeciles refer to me as Oriental.

So I’m at my university. Heading toward the canteen (only twats call it a refectory). And I see this guy who looks just like someone on one of the modules of my degree that I myself have not chosen. But I say ‘hi’ anyway. And immediately realise it isn’t him at all.

An everyday mistake.

But he greets me with such enthusiasm I begin to wonder if I do know him. You know. Have seen him in hallways and libraries and that. So I make the effort for a bit.

Shit. No. I really don’t know him at all. Christ. He is obviously mental. And we have now been talking for some time. He might think that I am his ‘mate’. I decide upon a test, just to be sure.

I mean. Security is a bit lax on campus. You have to be careful.

We (all students) have recently been offered copies of selected Microsoft and all Macromedia products free-of-charge as a result of a sponsorship deal The School of Technology has struck. Macromedia Dreamweaver has proved a popular choice. Fellow students have done quite well out of Ebay.

I question him on the subject. If he were a genuine student with even basic social skills he would know about this.

He looks quite alarmed and fidgety.

Mental.

He goes away very quickly. Sadly into the canteen where I am due to meet some friends. Oh well. I give it a minute just to be safe.

And walk in after him. To see Mental Bloke doing an uninvited impression of The Fonz to a random person.

Before sitting down on his own and muttering to himself for a while.

Christ. You can’t move for them. Nutters I mean.

Anyway. Thanks for your time.

77 Comments:

Blogger mr_glide said...

Ah, the potency of individual perception. The classic comic misunderstanding, leading to hijinks and hilarity. I like it.

10:38 am  
Blogger jali said...

Great story.

Whenever I hear "dreamweaver" I think about Spyro The Dragon. Only PS2 people will know what i mean.

3:59 pm  
Blogger Davenelli said...

Are you now Tired Mam by any chance?

10:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant - especially when you read them like I did in reverse chronological order. Nice one :)

looby

1:53 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

This is bloody nutters/brilliant (that was me trying to speak 'England').

Love this.

R

6:14 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

M_G: Many thanks.

J: I am not a PS2 person, but trust that it makes sense to those who are.

D: What are suggesting?

L: Ta. Where have you gone? Or have you not gone and it is just me being stupid?

R: Thanks. Although your England is very bonkers.

8:28 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Ah. It is just me being stupid.

8:30 pm  
Anonymous Timbo said...

Does your blog live in the same house as Non-working Monkey's? You just kinda look the same is what I meant, err, anyway...

You are a funny bastard and I like this. It is good. I will come back in here.

12:02 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

No.

Although I do have an awful lot of time for her.

And many thanks.

1:02 am  
Anonymous Jimmy Page's Trousers said...

Ah, the joys of juxtaposition. It's like 'Sliding Doors' but with more humour, intelligence and overall interest. Are you perhaps Peter Howitt who, after long instruction about what's actually funny and repeated kickings has come back with Sliding Doors II?

But after the Com, where's the Rom? The British film industry (and by association, Blogging industry) can't survive on Com alone. Surely, after a mix-up like this, you guys get it together (against the odds) and a later blog will find you kissing to the strains of some annoying, mediocre, 'pop' whining. Tell me it will be thus. The public demands it.

1:57 pm  
Anonymous andrew said...

But it all ended happily. How you will laugh about it in time to come.
I think these last posts a brilliant touch and shall certainly come back for more...(pause)...You're just a virtual, cyberspace person? You are? Oh.....(trails off muttering incoherently)

5:47 pm  
Blogger RD said...

Nutters eh?

I am surrounded by them all the time.

Maybe my career in mental health wasnt a wise choice then.

11:32 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

JPT: I thought his career high was Bread to be frank.

A: Oh dear. And welcome.

RD: It must be a love/hate thing.

11:05 pm  
Blogger mr_glide said...

I have to say though, it is an exceptionally bizarre coincidence that this person would end up guesting on the same blog as the nutter she writes about.

Now that IS mad.

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Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

I once sang "There'll always be an England" in a bus garage staff canteen - I briefly drove a bus until they realised I wasn't an employee but that's another story - Everybody refused to look at me. I empathise with this poor chap. Mad but harmless I'm sure. Probably.

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Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

ps midnight Saturday is The Drunk Punk Radio Show - instructions on me blog how to listen if you've nowt else to do on a Saturday night. Requests - other than fuck off - will be considered. Well.. that one might be n all

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Hi Tired Dad

Just to let you know I'll be starting my blog again on Sunday 17th Dec.

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