Work/Flu.
I am At Work. Some time ago.
I have The Flu.
The phone rings. I look about for a bit. No-one leaps to answer it. Bugger.
Me: Support.
Bonkers Woman: Windows is broken.
Me: [Pause]. How can I help?
BW: I’ve told you. It’s broken.
Me: I’m afraid I’ll need a little more than that. What EXACTLY has happened?
BW: Well it doesn’t work obviously. Why do you think I’m calling? Don’t you know? YOU put it on.
Me: Well, not me perso- [SIGH]. What is it you are trying to do?
BW: I have been writing a letter. I have printed it. And now I just want THIS to go away.
Me: You mean Word. You want to shut it down.
BW: Isn’t that what I just said? You must pay attention young man. How much do I pay you?
Me: Pay me? Nothi-[sigh]. Again. Tell me EXACTLY what is happening.
BW: Well. I go to close it. Click on the thing to close it. A box I don’t want comes up. I don’t want it so I click Cancel and around we go. This has taken half my day. It doesn’t work. This computer. With your Windows thing.
Me: [Long pause. I try and think about nice things. Like me not actually inventing Word and not being held personally responsible for its quirks.] You are trying to close a Word document?
BW: Well obviously. Good God young man, do you know what you’re doing?
Me: Mmmmm. When you click on the cross to close the application, do you then get a small window asking you if you want to save and giving you the options of ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘cancel’?
BW: Obviously. Can I speak to your supervisor?
Me: Mmmmmmmm. One moment. Do you keep clicking ‘cancel’?
BW: Well of course. WHAT ELSE WOULD I DO?
Me: Have you saved it?
MW: Do not take me for an idiot.
Me: THEN CLICK ‘No’.
Pause.
MW: Mmmm. It seems to have fixed itself. Goodbye.
The Flu is very pressing, and I make my excuses. I go to the Chemists.
Me: I have The Flu. I require your best medicine.
Fat Chemist Woman: You don’t have the flu.
Me: [Taken aback] I bloody do.
FCW: Do you have a fever?
Me: Well. I’m quite hot.
FCW: You’ve got a jumper on. No wonder.
Me: Look. I’m not well. And I’ve not had much sleep. I just want to get through the day. I need some medicine. What have you got for The Flu?
FCW: Paracetemol.
Me: Is that a joke?
FW: The joke is your pretend illness. You are just like my husband. You’re about as ill as I am.
Me: Look…
FCW: Do you want the pills or not?
I go back to my office.
With my pills.
She was fired a month later.
Thieving.
I have The Flu.
The phone rings. I look about for a bit. No-one leaps to answer it. Bugger.
Me: Support.
Bonkers Woman: Windows is broken.
Me: [Pause]. How can I help?
BW: I’ve told you. It’s broken.
Me: I’m afraid I’ll need a little more than that. What EXACTLY has happened?
BW: Well it doesn’t work obviously. Why do you think I’m calling? Don’t you know? YOU put it on.
Me: Well, not me perso- [SIGH]. What is it you are trying to do?
BW: I have been writing a letter. I have printed it. And now I just want THIS to go away.
Me: You mean Word. You want to shut it down.
BW: Isn’t that what I just said? You must pay attention young man. How much do I pay you?
Me: Pay me? Nothi-[sigh]. Again. Tell me EXACTLY what is happening.
BW: Well. I go to close it. Click on the thing to close it. A box I don’t want comes up. I don’t want it so I click Cancel and around we go. This has taken half my day. It doesn’t work. This computer. With your Windows thing.
Me: [Long pause. I try and think about nice things. Like me not actually inventing Word and not being held personally responsible for its quirks.] You are trying to close a Word document?
BW: Well obviously. Good God young man, do you know what you’re doing?
Me: Mmmmm. When you click on the cross to close the application, do you then get a small window asking you if you want to save and giving you the options of ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘cancel’?
BW: Obviously. Can I speak to your supervisor?
Me: Mmmmmmmm. One moment. Do you keep clicking ‘cancel’?
BW: Well of course. WHAT ELSE WOULD I DO?
Me: Have you saved it?
MW: Do not take me for an idiot.
Me: THEN CLICK ‘No’.
Pause.
MW: Mmmm. It seems to have fixed itself. Goodbye.
The Flu is very pressing, and I make my excuses. I go to the Chemists.
Me: I have The Flu. I require your best medicine.
Fat Chemist Woman: You don’t have the flu.
Me: [Taken aback] I bloody do.
FCW: Do you have a fever?
Me: Well. I’m quite hot.
FCW: You’ve got a jumper on. No wonder.
Me: Look. I’m not well. And I’ve not had much sleep. I just want to get through the day. I need some medicine. What have you got for The Flu?
FCW: Paracetemol.
Me: Is that a joke?
FW: The joke is your pretend illness. You are just like my husband. You’re about as ill as I am.
Me: Look…
FCW: Do you want the pills or not?
I go back to my office.
With my pills.
She was fired a month later.
Thieving.
posted by Tired Dad at
2:57 pm
9 Comments:
What did she pinch? Did she sell you any? Do they make you high? Can I have some if they do?....sorry...forgot I'm not 18 any more.
The 'Windows Lady' makes me sound like a geek. Aren't you allowed to say "Fuck off you silly cow I'm ill"? I do. Well, words to that effect on occasion. My employer doesn't seem pleased when I do. Still, being a shop steward needs some perks!
that sounds like a thoroughly nasty horrid day. would you like mutha to write you a note to get you off on monday?
I do support! It's what I do.
It's my oft-stated opinion that the company I work and provide support for should relocate to Columbia, where you can hire a hitman for ten quid. Apparently.
blimey. people just take a liking to you immediately dont they?
how do these really really stupid people get jobs? it amazes me. who employs them? shouldn't there be a law against this sort of inadequecy???!!!!
clearly, i am having as nearly as frustrating day as you did... sorry. no wonder you are tired
Giving support sucks. One time in my IT department, a real ditz said her screen was too light. So we told her it was a real problem and she was doing something wrong with her usage. We told her she needed toner, it was really expensive. As I am sure you know, we only needed to adjust her screen setting. I still smile when I think of it.
Do you suppose the chemist and the caller were one and the same?
You should have said to the chemist's fat woman "Can you give me something to make me fat because I want to be a twat as well?"
DP: No-one specified. Judging from her attitude, she wouldn't be selling anyway. 'You have no need to get high right now' etc.
MM: No need. I've long since sorted that one out on a permanent basis. I'm not 'on the sick' mind.
Windy: My sympathies. Although I agree. The fact that our county frowns upon executions does seem churlish at times.
Summer person: Usually. Sarcy.
me: Without employees of this calibre, industry would become hyper-efficient, leading to a two tier class system in which the elite own flying cars and live in cloud cities, and the rest perform acts of self-flaggelation for pennies on national television.
PO: Respect.
Clarissa: Shit. I hadn't thought of that. The chemist group was a client as well. Shit!
Razz: Yeah. Well. We can all be clever after the fact. Welcome back, by the way.
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