CWRAHBIVP: Morning Tired.
CWRAHBIVP: Do anything nice last night?
CWRAHBIVP: By, I was in a rush this morning like. Nearly didn't have time to straighten my hair.
After a moment or two his head sinks and he stares with desolation at his desk-tidy. He knows what he has just done.
Me: [Quitely] You're a good man and I like you. I am going to just pretend this didn't happen.
He nods moresely.
Me: But if I ever hear that sort of fuckery again you and I are going to have a little chat, like men, in the carpark. Are we understood?
He nods silently. His eyes are glistening.
Colleague Who Is Also Very Nice Despite Being American But She Has Apologised So That Is O.K. has overheard the exchange, and comes over.
CWIAVNDBABSHASTIOK: I just want to say, I think you're totally right Tired. [She is very good like this]. You guys round here do too much grooming and it just isn't right.
I nod sagely at this validation of my extreme wisdom.
CWIAVNDBABSHASTIOK: I mean, look at you Tired, right?
I do look good, I think to myself. She's right. I do like her.
CWIAVNDBABSHASTIOK: You're like so obviously not someone who spends a lot of time on their appearance.
Me: Fuck off.
It is seven minutes past nine.