Jumping the Shark
The worst is the My Blog is Now One Year Old and Here is What I Have Learnt Post. To be followed closely by the I Have Just Received My One-Thousandth Hit and am Dead Chuffed Post.
To avoid this, I am doing my One-Year-Learnt thing late. Ha-ha.
I have learnt that:
Being as rude as you please to people you believe to deserve it is almost as pleasurable as it is in real life. But not quite. And then they turn out to be very gentlemanly and ruin it all.
Lots of nice ladies will send you emails saying nice things.
One of those nice ladies will bully you so much you feel compelled to get a bit drunk with them. In person and that. And eat in an average but nonetheless perfectly pleasant restaurant with them. And suffer being repeatedly referred to as a ‘cunt’. And rather enjoy yourself for the first time in ages.
Somebody will thank you for giving them a much-needed kick up the arse and say that their marriage is now back on track.
Somebody else will thank you for other reasons that are far too personal to mention here, but will say that your words prompted him to talk to his family about something that bothered him all his life. You will feel simultaneously brilliant and shit.
A number of people will say ‘Hey, this is quite good’.
A number of people will say ‘Hey, this is very shit’. (They are often the most entertaining. Lots of people get cross and it goes on for ages. It’s brilliant)
You will correspond with Americans. And Canadians.
You will be quite obsessed about your ‘stats’ for two months and then forget to check them. Ever. Unless you are a twat.
You will enjoy the contents of your ‘comments’ more than you enjoy writing your shit blog.
Rather dubious-sounding insurance companies will offer to advertise on your shit blog in return for foolish amounts of money. You will decline because you are not a ‘cunt’.
People will request that you put ‘links’ to their shit blog on your own shit blog. You may or may not decline, for reasons best known to yourself.
You find yourself with not much to say for yourself.
Oh. And it’s actually quite good fun. And you’ll kid yourself that you’ll get a Real Writing Job like Mil Millington or Charlie Brooker or the Playground guy. But you won’t.
It doesn’t matter. Because it’s Quite Good.
Sorry. I know. I'll delete it.