Small Moments at Work #1
Thug Colleague: Either somewheyns mekkin the bread tae big, or somewheyns mekkin the toosters tae smaall. And ah divn’t care whey it is, ah just reckon they shud git thar heeds t’githir and sort it oot.
Thug has a capacity for massively angry over-reaction to the smallest things - a quality I am beginning to quite admire. He is actually smashing things around his desk. It is five minutes past nine in the morning.
He fixes his glare on me.
TC: What dae yea reckon?
Me: Do you buy that ‘Toastie’ bread?
TG: FUCKIN’ AYE! Theym cunts fit intae NAE TOOSTER ON EARTH! Why fuckin’ call it that?
He throws a biro at his monitor in frustration.
I have no answer for him.
But am convinced he has also imagined the same ‘Annual Toaster Manufacturer and Baker Conspiracy Meeting’ that I have, in which leaders of their respective industries get together in Geneva each year to figure out new ways of pissing us off.
I just haven’t the heart to get that cross about it anymore.
Thug has a capacity for massively angry over-reaction to the smallest things - a quality I am beginning to quite admire. He is actually smashing things around his desk. It is five minutes past nine in the morning.
He fixes his glare on me.
TC: What dae yea reckon?
Me: Do you buy that ‘Toastie’ bread?
TG: FUCKIN’ AYE! Theym cunts fit intae NAE TOOSTER ON EARTH! Why fuckin’ call it that?
He throws a biro at his monitor in frustration.
I have no answer for him.
But am convinced he has also imagined the same ‘Annual Toaster Manufacturer and Baker Conspiracy Meeting’ that I have, in which leaders of their respective industries get together in Geneva each year to figure out new ways of pissing us off.
I just haven’t the heart to get that cross about it anymore.
posted by Tired Dad at
10:37 pm
7 Comments:
I buy toastie bread. And it doesn't fit in my toaster. And that makes me very happy.
...because you can cut the bit off the top so it will fit, and then fry it with your bacon. Fried bread soldiers, no guilt, lovely.
(I still can't manage to enter a comment without accidentally submitting it half-way through, though. The cholesterol must be choking my brain.)
OH my God! I'm the same as TG when it comes to peel and reseal ham!
You see it neither peels NOR reseals! EVER! Ev. Er!
Why do they call it that then? Why? What's the point in doing ads that cost squillions advertising that your product reseals when anyone who isn't a half eejit knows that it DOESN'T and your ham ends up curly and hard and a weird shade of fridge-frozen pink? WHY?!
I think I love TC. Like your blog by the way!
TC sounds like my ex. It gets really tiring after a while - trust me!
I am in complete agreement with 'Thug'
Have you ever tried pulling the 'overhanging' crusts from a 'toaster' as it's 'toasting'??
In the end I set the cat on it. Burned it's fucking nose 'n all...
Tell him to buy an Aga. He won't need a toaster and he can toast 8 slices of bread at a time. He'll hit you, of course.
Rick: Welcome. You're one of those 'glass half-full' guys aren't you.
Karen: Thanks and welcome.
Anon: As I don't have to live with him it remains the right side of funny.
FD: Do you not just cut them off first? And then fry them like Rick? Consider this a public service post.
Z: Buy an Aga? He lives with his Mam.
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