Friday, August 04, 2006

Top Ten Appalling Blog Cliches

Don’t feel the need to thank me.

1. Sitemeter. Wow. I just checked my stats and some people have typed really weird things into Google and have come here. Really? Honestly? Goodness. Is the world a big place with some odd people in it? Amazing.

2. Public transport1. Those kids (I am in my twenties) with their mp3 players. Faintly annoying background noise. Really? Tell us more.

3. Public transport2. Never mind that. What about the kids (I am in my thrirties) who play their mp3s through the ‘speaker’ function of their mobile phones. Grr. That is astonishingly interesting.


4. Blog posts about the nature of blogging. Could your head be any further up your arse? Could it?

5. People at work. They’re a bit funny and that. Goodness. Have you just watched your DVD of The Office?


6. BBC Radio Nowhere has mentioned your blog. Here is 2000 words on the subject. Honestly. Could it be any further?

7. Links to funny things. Thanks for that. And glad to see that you are funny also.


8. Photos of skylines. Very interesting. Why not write a post titled ‘I Have a Digital Camera And Am About To Spunk-Up with Excitement’?

9. Taking a sabbatical for personal shit. What are you? Some sort of fucking baby? Oh boo-fucking-hoo. And post about it as well. Write your blog or don’t write it. Don’t wank on about whether-or-not you’re going to write it so you can then tug yourself off to all the ladies who offer emails of concern.


10. Top ten lists of Appalling Blog Cliches.


With apologies to the rather excellent DatingMonkey (or whatever she calls herself this week. Having two blogs is so 2005) who pointed-out to me some time ago when I discussed this post with her (YES! I actually correspond with people that are quite good at writing!) that publishing such a list would be an Appalling Cliché in itself.

Ahh. But do you see what I’ve done?

I’ve actually included it in the list itself. Hence, via the power of being-an-unbearable-smart-arse, have cancelled-out all the negative aspects of such an enterprise.

Haha. It’s ace being clever. I can explain Post-Structuralism to you if you like.

Oh. Hang on. It’s still a list isn’t it? Lists are shit. And rather clichéd. Shit. Shit.

I score a 7/10.

39 Comments:

Anonymous sleepy said...

oh it's just like when they cancelled farscape and there was the save farscape campaign and then they made a mini series cause everyone shouted so loudly about it being gone... sort of..

sort of not all actually but i just got the box set and watched 6 hours straight last night so that's all there's room for in my head today.

ayways yay to you coming back to spurt blog cliches down our throats :)

9:14 am  
Blogger Sabrina said...

Ahhh...

I feel quenched now.

Was feeling listless without you.

*Groan*

10:25 am  
Blogger mr_glide said...

Good god, you've clichéd yourself into a corner. Horrific.

11:41 am  
Blogger Ranting Dullard said...

Post structulism eh? So does this mean that there is truth? At least at truth we can 'know' if we can ever really 'know' anything?

Why do postmodernists always write the word know in quotations? Bastards.

What do you actually want in a blog? I agree, that public transport rants are somewhat redundant as only simpletons use buses and the like.

1:02 pm  
Blogger Amanda said...

Too many big words.

4:49 pm  
Blogger NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

As you know VERY well, dear heart, having 2 blogs is in fact very 2006. Don't forget:

- brainless women from Ohio going on about their babies
- people talking about technology and that
- people writing lists of stuff; I think they're called 'Memes' but I don't know what that means
- people writing about Big Brother
- birds writing about how many people they've shagged that week
- boring fuckers like me with nothing else to do than write in a self-concious way about stuff that holds no interest to anyone I know at all, apart from maybe my mother who, incidentally, loves your blog. Seriously.

What am I going on about? I give up.

9:00 pm  
Blogger Davenelli said...

Fanfuckingtastic!

Delighted to note that you hate around 50% of the shite I churn out.

Sadly I also have to say that I'm delighted you're back (that's obviously in a strictly platonic, hetrosexual, all lads together kind of way)

9:56 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Another deep breath:

Sleepy: Please tutn it off or find another host. It is not just me. And Farscape was pants. And thanks.

Sabrina: From what I can gather you have been feeling far from listless. No chance of any photos?

M_G: I know. How can I come back from this?

RD: Post-Structuralists (Deconstructionists) and post-modernists are two VERY different things. Although both equally important (ie: not at all). What do I want in a blog? For it not to be shit. A tall order I know. Especially after reading some of my dreadful spunk.

Amanda: I'll try and reign it in.

NWM: YOUR MAM READS THIS??!! I AM NOW COMPLETE! That is serious. As previously mentioned, she sounds brilliant.

Dave: Yeah. Grrr. You to. Nothing *funny* going on here.

11:26 pm  
Blogger NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

She sounds briliant. The truth is somewhat darker. She is threatening to start her own blog, which will be better than all the others anyone has ever seen, ever.

Sigh.

By the way, I agree re. content of blogs. It can be ABOUT anything, as long as it's good.

12:04 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

NWM: If she does, you MUST let me know the erm, url, site erm address oh whatever.

You know.

1:01 am  
Blogger d34dpuppy said...

td i hope u get ur sht lined out dude

3:59 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Mr.Puppyman: I am afraid I have not, but thanks for asking. Worry about your own stuff.

5:47 pm  
Blogger amphimacer said...

"Having two blogs is so 2005"

Since I had two blogs last year, but gave one up, are you suggesting that for the first time in 53 years I was, even for one sad, solitary moment, of my time? That doesn't sound right. I hope the fact that the blog I still write, being nothing but sonnets top to bottom, will absolve me of that. Even as a Ph.D. candidate in English Lit I thought Post-Structuralism was worthless nonsense, and now that I'm an old fart I know it.

2:06 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Amphimacer: Psot-Structuralsim is subject to its own methodogy and as such vanished in a puff of its own cleverness as soon as it arrived. And then popped-back and claimed that that was the point. Damn those frogs, they've got an answer for everything.

3:05 am  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

I've got 2 but I'm old so I don't give a shit. Never had a sabbatical. Never known what they are. Can you drink on one? Might be interested then.

8:47 pm  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

I've got, like, some. I must be really fucking rad. Or something. I do some of those cliched things. I don't care. My blog, my rules. I've got a sort of skyline pic coming up soon, since you asked so nicely.

10:54 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Dinners: Take it from me, you certainly can. I'n not reccomending it though.

*: Shall forward to it.

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