Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Worlds Most Amusing Woman: Do you know you'd make a really good boyfriend?

I glance around to make sure she is actually talking to me.

Me: Errrm?

She had just asked me what I spent my previous evening doing.

I'm not very good at filling-in the time. The hours excluding nine in the morning and six at night are a constant torment. I dread the evenings; don't even get me started on the weekends. Inactivity is a devil. If I do nothing I tend to brood, which is no good for anyone.

As such much of my spare time is spent in my kitchen, making more food than I can possibly eat from an increasingly inventive array of ingredients whilst listening to the agreeable burblings from Radio fucking 2 (it's better than the bloody television) before crashing out at ten with a house full of nice smells, a full belly and enough left-overs in the fridge to make Jesus feel a bit inadequate about the whole 'fish and loaves' thing.

This seems to have impressed my colleague the Worlds Most Amusing Woman.

I am briefly stunned by her words. It is feasibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, or at least it felt like it today.

WMAW: Blonde? Blonde!

Blonde Colleage: For fucks - what?

WMAW: Don't you think Tired would be an excellent boyfriend?

BC: Definately. [I blink at her in astonishment for a moment. She notices and clears her throat] Well - at least until he opens his mouth.

WMAW: Mmmm. You're right. He is a nasty bastard.

I have gone from being 'viable boyfriend material' (good) to 'thoroughly unpleasant piece of work' (bad) in the space of a nanosecond and - it seems, as all concerned are now talking about me in the third person - have actually vanished.

Me: Hey! Listen.....

But I've got nothing. The irritating thing is that they're both quite right.


Anonymous Em said...

Interesting. Cooking is obviously a winner. 'Nasty bastard' could be a bit tricky.

Although, what exactly do you cook? Without turning into a food blog, god forbid...

9:02 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Em: Being a traditionalist I tend to cook 'food'. Don't really understand what you're getting at with the rest though?

9:13 pm  
Anonymous janeway said...

So, why is the World's Most Amusing Woman WMAM? Just curious.

10:08 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

Actually food is all it takes really.

10:55 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

well at least he isn't cooking nasty bastards, but depending on his kitchen skills it is still a distinct possibility.

3:28 am  
Blogger Shane said...

The Jesus/loaves&fish/inadequate line, I liked a lot. You nasty bastard.

I wonder how it would have gone down, had you spoken to WMAW a line that began, 'You'd make a really good girlfriend' - for reasons of comedic value, presumably.

10:04 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

j: I hadn't noticed, thanks - sorted.

Em: I thought love was all you need. (It isn't)

p: Considering some of the stuff I've been financially reduced to purchasing of late you may be right.

S: Thanks. She's married and quite upfront about what a terrible wife she makes so it really wouldn't have worked.

7:49 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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12:33 am  
Blogger Ellie said...

They're playing with you. Like cats with string.

Get a dog. Helps fill in the spare time and chases cats.

11:28 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Opulently I to but I dream the brief should prepare more info then it has.

1:13 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Anon: I dread to think what the fuck the assignment was.

Ellie: I'm rather fond of cats as it happens.

Anon: Ok then.

11:21 pm  

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