Turnaround.
Worlds Most Amusing Woman: Do you know you'd make a really good boyfriend?
I glance around to make sure she is actually talking to me.
Me: Errrm?
She had just asked me what I spent my previous evening doing.
I'm not very good at filling-in the time. The hours excluding nine in the morning and six at night are a constant torment. I dread the evenings; don't even get me started on the weekends. Inactivity is a devil. If I do nothing I tend to brood, which is no good for anyone.
As such much of my spare time is spent in my kitchen, making more food than I can possibly eat from an increasingly inventive array of ingredients whilst listening to the agreeable burblings from Radio fucking 2 (it's better than the bloody television) before crashing out at ten with a house full of nice smells, a full belly and enough left-overs in the fridge to make Jesus feel a bit inadequate about the whole 'fish and loaves' thing.
This seems to have impressed my colleague the Worlds Most Amusing Woman.
I am briefly stunned by her words. It is feasibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, or at least it felt like it today.
WMAW: Blonde? Blonde!
Blonde Colleage: For fucks - what?
WMAW: Don't you think Tired would be an excellent boyfriend?
BC: Definately. [I blink at her in astonishment for a moment. She notices and clears her throat] Well - at least until he opens his mouth.
WMAW: Mmmm. You're right. He is a nasty bastard.
I have gone from being 'viable boyfriend material' (good) to 'thoroughly unpleasant piece of work' (bad) in the space of a nanosecond and - it seems, as all concerned are now talking about me in the third person - have actually vanished.
Me: Hey! Listen.....
But I've got nothing. The irritating thing is that they're both quite right.
I glance around to make sure she is actually talking to me.
Me: Errrm?
She had just asked me what I spent my previous evening doing.
I'm not very good at filling-in the time. The hours excluding nine in the morning and six at night are a constant torment. I dread the evenings; don't even get me started on the weekends. Inactivity is a devil. If I do nothing I tend to brood, which is no good for anyone.
As such much of my spare time is spent in my kitchen, making more food than I can possibly eat from an increasingly inventive array of ingredients whilst listening to the agreeable burblings from Radio fucking 2 (it's better than the bloody television) before crashing out at ten with a house full of nice smells, a full belly and enough left-overs in the fridge to make Jesus feel a bit inadequate about the whole 'fish and loaves' thing.
This seems to have impressed my colleague the Worlds Most Amusing Woman.
I am briefly stunned by her words. It is feasibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, or at least it felt like it today.
WMAW: Blonde? Blonde!
Blonde Colleage: For fucks - what?
WMAW: Don't you think Tired would be an excellent boyfriend?
BC: Definately. [I blink at her in astonishment for a moment. She notices and clears her throat] Well - at least until he opens his mouth.
WMAW: Mmmm. You're right. He is a nasty bastard.
I have gone from being 'viable boyfriend material' (good) to 'thoroughly unpleasant piece of work' (bad) in the space of a nanosecond and - it seems, as all concerned are now talking about me in the third person - have actually vanished.
Me: Hey! Listen.....
But I've got nothing. The irritating thing is that they're both quite right.
posted by Tired Dad at
8:15 pm
11 Comments:
Interesting. Cooking is obviously a winner. 'Nasty bastard' could be a bit tricky.
Although, what exactly do you cook? Without turning into a food blog, god forbid...
Em: Being a traditionalist I tend to cook 'food'. Don't really understand what you're getting at with the rest though?
So, why is the World's Most Amusing Woman WMAM? Just curious.
Actually food is all it takes really.
well at least he isn't cooking nasty bastards, but depending on his kitchen skills it is still a distinct possibility.
The Jesus/loaves&fish/inadequate line, I liked a lot. You nasty bastard.
I wonder how it would have gone down, had you spoken to WMAW a line that began, 'You'd make a really good girlfriend' - for reasons of comedic value, presumably.
j: I hadn't noticed, thanks - sorted.
Em: I thought love was all you need. (It isn't)
p: Considering some of the stuff I've been financially reduced to purchasing of late you may be right.
S: Thanks. She's married and quite upfront about what a terrible wife she makes so it really wouldn't have worked.
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They're playing with you. Like cats with string.
Get a dog. Helps fill in the spare time and chases cats.
Opulently I to but I dream the brief should prepare more info then it has.
Anon: I dread to think what the fuck the assignment was.
Ellie: I'm rather fond of cats as it happens.
Anon: Ok then.
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