Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Nothing Interesting Happens.

A bleary-eyed Saturday morning. I take the washing from the line, carefully fold it and toss it onto the patio table which promptly collapses sending rusty screws, splinters and planks of dry wood aloft which a sickening crash.

I stare at it for a bit, but it does not magically re-assemble itself.

If I were married or had a girlfriend someone would now be saying:

“Well don’t just stand there staring you idiot!”

But I don’t even have that as a distraction.

Taking my splinter-strewn washing indoors I then make myself some boiled eggs that are not boiled satisfactorily. I begrudgingly eat at my dining-table and not in the sun on the patio.

There is a ‘thud’ from the letter-box.

A new box-set. Things are looking up.

The DVD player no longer works.


I go out to buy some compost. I have sunflowers to re-pot. There isn’t any compost to be found in a 5-mile radius. At all. Nor is there available any generic ‘No-More-Nails’ – style wood glue to allow me to clumsily transform what is now a small amount of kindling into a table-shaped object.

Attempting to purchase the Saturday edition of my favourite newspaper, I am thwarted by the fact that it is now actually Sunday because I’ve lost track of the whole thing what with all these bloody Bank Holidays.

I arrive home empty-handed.

Scratching at my partially-successful beard I reflect that the day is not going as I would wish.

NEXT: As an indirect result of nothing interesting happening, something odd – but not terribly interesting - happens!


Anonymous Em said...

You have just made my life hugely exciting.
I await the next episode with bated breath!

11:52 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:54 am  
Blogger punxxi said...

Dude, go out and have some fun now and then, it's good for you, and the mentals will corner you and you can write an interesting/angry post!Just wear some wellies in case, well you know how the mentals are, xx

4:55 am  
Blogger Ellie said...

Suspense is killing me.

7:49 am  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

*pops open the pringles, awaits next installment with bated breath*

What exactly is 'bated breath'. Stinky fish food breath? Is it short for abated? *eats crisps thoughtfully*

Ali xxx

11:55 pm  
Blogger Cristina said...

You have sunflowers and a sunny patio, u could also change ur whole mindset, get a hammock and lie there all morning under the sun.

Im thinking u can add either a cup of tea or a mojito, and any music radio station from a non-english speaking country.

2:32 pm  
Blogger Miss Underscore said...

Dear me Tired Dad,

You mean this is a prequel to a potentially even more exciting post? There is MORE? I find that hard to believe. After all, this post has the holy trinity of:

Patio furniture

Hmmm, there is a lot of pressure on you now to top this. Can you really pull a Godfather II out of the bag? I hope so.

10:27 pm  
Blogger Debster said...

Ooh dont leave it there ...

12:10 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:37 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

EM: Glad to be of service. You'll be let down.

punx: I'm not fond of 'having fun'. It makes me irritable.

Ellie: Really. It's actually less interesting. If possible.

Ali: You think too much.

Cristina: That sounds awful. If I do all that, next thing I know I'll be walking around smiling at people I DON'T EVEN KNOW. Can't have that.

Miss U: I know. My life has been a rollercoaster of late and I feel bad for boasting about it when many of my readers lead quite the sedate existence. But trust me. If you think my Saturday was purely mental, you will literally SHIT YOUR PANTS when you hear about my shopping expedition after work on Tuesday.

I feel like I've said too much already.

Debs: I know. I know.

1:39 am  

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