Sunday, April 10, 2011

You Don't Really Want To Ask.

Classified advertisement spotted in my local 'sales and wants' paper:

KARCHER SC1020 STEAM CLEANER. Good steam cleaner. New costs £130. Valentine gift from my husband, used only once, not my forte. Durham.

I strongly suspect the back-story is not a happy one.


Blogger Ellie said...

I'd like her to start a blog.

10:20 pm  
Blogger Cristina said...

This reminds me, ages ago my sisters and I spent all our savings in an electric mixer for my mum's birthday - we were between 6 and 10 years old and the guy who convinced us in the shop was a real bastard but back then we didnt know better - my mum never complained but never used it either, poor thing - with all those shiny accesories always in the way in the kitchen still today aargh im going to throw them away next time i visit my family

10:43 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

I would have only used it once too. That's all it would take...

11:18 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Ellie: I'm pretty sure she already has. Only via the less traditional forum of sales/wants adverts. I expect to soon read one reading -

PRESSURE WASHER. Unwanted Mothers Day Gift. He really doesn't know me. What have I done? Durham.

Christina: It's a minefield. I remember once buying a full set of quite expensive pans for a loved one and fearing a similar scenario.

Em: I'm amazed it was used at all.

11:27 pm  
Blogger Miss Underscore said...

Of course it was used once. It would be most handy for removing the inevitable blood stains on the shag pile after she disemboweled him.

6:15 am  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

See? We're all thinking the same thing: she murdered him after the presentation of the Karcher. I have considered murdering my other half for much less...

Ali x

5:32 pm  
Blogger Carnalis said...

"my boyfriend gave me an iron for christmas"

deja vu.

TD, there is clearly an agenda to your posts if i find myself once again writing the same iron-related complaint in your comment box.

I still hold out hope for the bf, but the husband ... he gave me a teatowel for christmas once. It was the last christmas we spent together *looks pointedly at the divorce papers*

9:02 pm  
Blogger Z said...

My husband gave me a pruning saw for Christmas once. I was thrilled. I now realise how dull I am. I'd quite like a steam cleaner, too. How exciting!

9:10 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Miss U: No doubt. I'm sure she placed an 'in memoriam' advert at the same time.

Ali: I'm actually getting quite concerned about the amount of blood-thirsty responses this is getting.

C: Oh I know. Entirely coincidental though. A teatowel? REALLY?

9:13 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Z: It's a difficult balance isn't it? I still can't forget the Father's Day in which I was given a nasal-hair clipper.

9:15 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

That's what I'm asking for for next Christmas :)

12:28 am  
Anonymous looby said...

I once got a [spare the details, but what is sometimes referred to as a "sex toy"] once for Valentines Day. I was walking on air for days, that someone at last, sees me *in that way*.

9:10 am  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

You should buy it.

It'll go nicely with your new vacuum cleaner.

7:19 am  
Blogger InvisibleWoman said...

I got a - I don't even know what it's called - a thing with a variety of sockets for charging a variety of phones. A multi-phone socket. For my Birthday. I have one phone. Which I charge up at work.

10:18 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

punx: It seems a perfectly good gift to me. If you work in the domestic cleaning trade.

looby: I wonder. Have you heard the term "over-sharing"?

TSB: My lawn is my primary concern at the minute. People can see that. No-one gets invited INTO my house.

IW: Welcome. It's a man thing I think. I've got one of those and love it, despite the fact that it only fits one of the phones I own. Yes. I have two phones. Get me.

10:15 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

Thats OK. You can always steam clean AND vacuum your lawn.

It'll look nice and clean, whcih should attract the local cats and dogs. Increase fertilization rates.

Question. Why nobody IN your house.
Evidence lying about?
Need a steam cleaner?

10:49 am  
Blogger Cristina said...

Sorry can i say something? I've only been following this blog for a few weeks but i think Tired Dad doesnt let anyone in his house because he is what we would call in galician slang a cafre = bit grumpy + bit stuborn + quite unsystemathic and unpredictable - all that gets worse when u live alone at least in my experience

7:20 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

TSB: Nothing intersting I'm afraid. It's just, you know, my place, my space.

Cristina: Hmph. Yes well. Annoyingly you have singled-out all of my most prominent characteristics which I'm a bit cross about because believe it or not a make an effort to make myself come across as more reasonable on here than I actually am in real life.

The only thing you have wrong is that I am much MUCH worse if I have to be around people for more time than is absolutely required.

9:21 pm  
Blogger Cristina said...

yeh vicious circle

that 'MUCH worse around people' doesn't sound very scary to me, i'm just a blog reader and live thousands of miles away - besides im studying English at the University but they don't teach me how to be grumpy in English, i need to read grumpy things from time to time

3:28 am  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

"i need to read grumpy things from time to time"

You've come to the right place then.

You can also try :
or even

Sorry Tired, I don't mean to kidnap your blog, but this young thing has to learn what's out there.

3:55 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feck, it's early.


Ann Anon

6:41 am  
Anonymous Madam Noir said...

Hmm, can't be any worse than the cherished gift of Xmas 2001 from my boyfriend - a fish tank, sans fish. Laugh, I could have buried his sorry ass under the patio (if, indeed I possessed a patio....)

10:44 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

you've won a Leibster award.


for more details.

11:54 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Cristina: Christ. People of university age still read blogs? I had no idea.

TSB: No doubt.

Ann: It's always early in my opinion.

Madam: Hello. It was my birthday a few days ago. I got a Flymo. That is all.

TSB: That's nice I suppose. Shan't be getting involved.

11:12 pm  

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