Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Back To Work.

Exterior. Day.

A Highway Maintenance vehicle depot.

Two men in high-visibility jackets are staring at the back of a dirty Highway Maintenance vehicle.


Man#1: You’re kidding me with this aren’t you?

Man#2: It’s perfect. We’ll just blame it on ‘kids or something’. They’re always doing stuff like this. No-one’ll think it’s us.

Man#1: It’ll be OBVIOUS it’s us. Hang on. Not even 'us'. You, you twat.

Man#2: Nah. TOO obvious, mate. No-one would believe we’d be that blatant. We’ll be TOTALLY in the clear, and still have a chuckle. We’ll just say some radges did it, we didn’t notice, and everything’s golden.

Man#1: [Unconvinced] ‘We’? Fucking ‘we’? If it comes to it, I’m grassing you right up. RIGHT UP.

Man#2: It WON’T! We’re bullet-proof! Come on. Let’s go to work.

Both men climb into the cab of the vehicle and drive away.

Fade to black.

………………………………………………………………………………………......

I’m on my way to work (this is me now) travelling on a bus that is making excruciatingly slow progress.

To be honest it’s been a weird couple of weeks, but the worst seems to be over (well, not really, but more on that later) and I just want to get back to my office and back to normal. On time.

I lean into the aisle and peer ahead of me in much frustration to see what the problem is.

Ah. We are behind a local council Highway Maintenance vehicle that is making very slow progress in whatever it is they do.

Screwed onto the back of the vehicle is an official-looking sign that reads:

“Highway Maintenance Apologise For Any Inconvenience Caused To Your Journey”

Beneath this, someone – probably kids or something – has written in bold block caps into the accumulated grime such vehicles attract:

“LIKE FUCK WE DO”

I smile to myself. It IS quite funny. No-one will get in trouble for that – it’s too obvious. Probably some radge-packets did it.




10 Comments:

Blogger Four Dinners said...

I'm in love with highway maintenance men...I'll go back on the tablets...

8:41 pm  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

Love it.

Do y'all have road maintenance guys over there who stand around in groups of 3 or more, staring at a hole in the pavement while wearing hi-vis jackets and doing apparently dick-all in the way of actual taxpayer-paid work?

we do. *sigh*

9:40 pm  
Anonymous looby said...

"...just want to get back to my office..."

Are you feeling OK TD?

11:54 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

FD: Yeah. Do that.

Sew: Yes, we get that over here also.

Loob: Honestly - a total headfuck couple of weeks and was craving a bid of the mundane.

1:29 pm  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Honesty like theirs should be rewarded, probably with a spot of light mine-clearance in Afghanistan.

PS You're beginning to sound a bit human. This is worrying and quite contrary to the laws of the Universe as we presently know it.

Where's the simmering angst and the smouldering self-loathing we've all come to recognise?

Hope you're feeling worse soon.

12:40 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sodding rain is coming through my roof - naffingly early to be up! Gah, pah and hah. Thus,the least you could have done was write/blog something slightly amusing so I'd have somat new to read.

Get with it,Radge-cadger.

I intend to remain Anon. Find me if you dare ;-)

Whevs.

Ann Anon

5:51 am  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

At least the maintenance man was honest. I think we could do with more honesty in our road signs.

'Share a Car - save fuel' could be more honestly entitled 'Share a Car with your lover and your wife won't suspect at thing because she'll think you're just saving fuel'.

Granted, It will have to be a much bigger sign.

AX

2:56 pm  
Blogger Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

No words for many weeks.

Have you become a council worker?

8:09 am  
Anonymous Meg McG said...

The Internet is getting all lovey dovey touchy feely. We need your disdain and sarcasm! Save the Internet from itself!

7:37 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Genuinely don't know what the fuck is going on with comments at the minute. Sorry if yours haven't appeared or have vanished.

6:23 pm  

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