Back To Work.
A Highway Maintenance vehicle depot.
Two men in high-visibility jackets are staring at the back of a dirty Highway Maintenance vehicle.
Man#1: You’re kidding me with this aren’t you?
Man#2: It’s perfect. We’ll just blame it on ‘kids or something’. They’re always doing stuff like this. No-one’ll think it’s us.
Man#1: It’ll be OBVIOUS it’s us. Hang on. Not even 'us'. You, you twat.
Man#2: Nah. TOO obvious, mate. No-one would believe we’d be that blatant. We’ll be TOTALLY in the clear, and still have a chuckle. We’ll just say some radges did it, we didn’t notice, and everything’s golden.
Man#1: [Unconvinced] ‘We’? Fucking ‘we’? If it comes to it, I’m grassing you right up. RIGHT UP.
Man#2: It WON’T! We’re bullet-proof! Come on. Let’s go to work.
Both men climb into the cab of the vehicle and drive away.
Fade to black.
I’m on my way to work (this is me now) travelling on a bus that is making excruciatingly slow progress.
To be honest it’s been a weird couple of weeks, but the worst seems to be over (well, not really, but more on that later) and I just want to get back to my office and back to normal. On time.
I lean into the aisle and peer ahead of me in much frustration to see what the problem is.
Ah. We are behind a local council Highway Maintenance vehicle that is making very slow progress in whatever it is they do.
Screwed onto the back of the vehicle is an official-looking sign that reads:
“Highway Maintenance Apologise For Any Inconvenience Caused To Your Journey”
Beneath this, someone – probably kids or something – has written in bold block caps into the accumulated grime such vehicles attract:
“LIKE FUCK WE DO”
I smile to myself. It IS quite funny. No-one will get in trouble for that – it’s too obvious. Probably some radge-packets did it.