Thursday, June 02, 2011


I’ve a tiresome work-related problem to deal with and it involves Blonde Colleague.

We’ve been put-back a good couple of days by some absurd ‘training’.

Me: [Brandishing a memo from Accounts] Now then –

Blonde Colleague:
[Squirming in her seat] I’ve got the mother of all wedgies.

Me: *sigh* Right. Accounts have been on at me and –

B.C: [Wriggling] Friggin’ hell, if they were any further up they’d be in my mouth.

Me: Ok. It’s just there’s a query on –

B.C: If I coughed they’d come flyin’ out my gob.

Me: Yeah. Apparently you spoke to Client X and agreed –

B.C: [Standing-up and doing a weird thing with her hips] They’re big pants, you know – like boxers but for girls?

I can’t remember when it happened, but either I became ‘one of the girls’ or she became ‘one of the boys’.

Me: Ah. I need to get this sorted today, so –

B.C: They cost two pound and one-seventy-five of them are up my arse.

Me: No doubt. Can we get this –

It’s nae good, I’m going to have to sort this.

She heads-off in the direction of the ‘ladies powder-room’. Or the ‘can’ as she prefers to call it.

[To her rapidly-disappearing back] I’ll talk to you later, yeah?


Blogger Miss Underscore said...

Could be worse Tired Dad. At my school we have only 1 teacher who is a man of the male gender. There are 14 teachers in total, most

a. are pregnant
b. have given birth within the last year or so

Consequently, staff room talk is exclusively about pelvic floors and breast-feeding. It is far from ideal. I swear, the poor bastard has started lactating. (He is quite useful for removing spiders from the ladies' toilet though.)

10:11 pm  
Blogger trashsparkle said...

thats quite an amazingly blatant work avoidance strategy/insubordination. have you tried shouting a bit?

10:14 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

Yup, you've become one of the girls. Next she'll be sharing hair removal secrets.

10:35 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

Tell her to ditch the boy-knickers and to get back into Big Girls' Pants. The kind you can tuck your tits into, they come SO high up your tummy.

Just me then?

Ali x

10:45 pm  
Blogger Debster said...

To be fair, it can be quite a problem.

12:33 am  
Blogger Ellie said...

Oh, yes. Agree with Debster.

2:10 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Miss U: He has my unending sympathy.

Trash: Oh she doesn't work FOR me.

Em: Don't think for a second that hasn't already happened.

Ali: ...

Deb: No doubt.

Ellie: Right then.

8:18 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

Talking about avoidance strategy?
WHAT HAPPENED at the motivation seminar. You just cannot gloss ove the whole thing as " couple of days by some absurd ‘training’."

we want to know the details.
The anguish.
The blood.
The boredom.
The complete and utter bullshit they produced.
Hurry up pleae.
I promised my class I'd have examples of seriously fucked-up english for them for next week.

9:28 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

TSB: NOT GOING TO BE HAPPENING. Like a 'Nam veteran I just don't want to re-live it. "Envisage how you would maximise your personal brand positioning." That's all you're getting from me.

9:30 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

"Envisage how you would maximise your personal brand positioning."
Oh you poor, poor bastard. It sounds like it was much, much worse than I had ever imagined.
Go and lie down.
Have a large and ameliorating beverage.

Please tell me you replied with:
"Go f*ck yourself you poncy twat"
or something of an equaly similar mien.
If you said anything like:
"I can empicture a mid/median demographical avatar with an essence of essential masculine sanguineness"
Then burn in Hell.
You're there already.

8:04 am  
Blogger livesbythewoods said...

Where is she getting great big girl pants for only two quid??

Tell her to put them on over her tights next time. Problem solved.

5:02 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Livesby: Hello. I shan't be asking, and I shan't be passing-on your advice. It's a slippery slope.

7:13 pm  
Anonymous Kaija said...

This brings up a very logical reason for wearing thong-type underpants...everything is going to end up there anyways, so why fight it. :P

7:20 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

K: I shall have to take your word for it.

7:35 pm  
Anonymous maddie said...

My hot tea came shooting out my nose!

3:36 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Maddie: HELLO. Sorry, blogger is being a dick and turning-on comment moderation without my realising. Thanks for the comment and like your blog.

12:05 am  

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