Saturday, February 06, 2010

Lunatic Asylum.

I have a job, and a tiresome by-product of this job is that I am required to speak to people. As some of these people are 'clients' it means I also have to speak to them pleasantly. This would not be a problem for most normal people, but unfortunatly for me I am a divining rod for mentalists.

I used to think that this only applied to my personal life, but it seems that it has extended itself to the workplace also. I do not know if this is good or bad. However, it does mean that I spend much of my working day speaking to the sort of people who occupy themselves of an evening by howling at the moon whilst masturbating over photographs of wellington boots. Or something.

With one exception.

I have been out of the office for a few days, and in my absense the following telephone conversation takes place:

Blonde Colleague [answering telephone]: Good afternoon, you're through to the Department.

Insane Client: Oh. Oh. Hello. Um. Could I speak to Tired please? I normally deal with him.

Insane Client has long been the bane of my life, and when not being irretrievably difficult, slamming the phone down for no good reason, informing me that alien visitors to our planet show no respect for God (a genuinely true conversation) and sagely informing me that we are, in fact, 'not robots' (yes, she did mean it in a literal sense) probably fills her days making papier mache cats to keep her imaginary ones company.

BC: I'm sorry, he's on holiday at the moment. Can I help?

IC: I'm sure you can. It's just .... how long has he been away?

BC: Oh, just a couple of days.

IC: Right. Right. Well. Anyway, could you .... do you know where he's gone?

BC: He didn't say. How can I help?

IC: He didn't? It's just .... well, there's been a couple of murders.

BC: ....What?

IC: In the papers. Did you not read? Not too far from here.

BC: Riiight...

IC: I'm just saying. You have to admit it's a bit odd. Him being off work at the same time.

BC: ..........Err.

IC: I'm not accusing him of anything, it's just ...... well, it seems strange is all.

BC: Ok then. Anyway, what can I-

IC: Actually is it alright if I just deal with you now? Like I say, I'm sure he had nothing to do with it, but .....

To this day the client in question has refused to speak to me. Her and the woman who won't deal with me because she doesn't think I'm suitably sympathetic when she tells me in detail about her hormone-replacement therapy makes two, now I think about it. The only thing I now have left to do is to push the sanity envelope of the rest of them and then I shan't have to speak to anyone at all.



Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am new to this place. I found loads of useful information here. I would also like to add up some thing for this community. I would like to share some [url=]quick weight loss tips[/url]. If you need to know how to lose 10 lb in a calendar week, you are likely not looking for a basic dieting and workout plan. You can lose weight with a standard diet and exercise plan, Still this involves a lot of time doing utmost cardio works out and binding to a strict diet. Here I will outline the perfect steps that I took to lose 10 pounds in just a week.

1. Keep Distance from all deep-fried foods for the week
2. Drink In an 8oz glass of Citrus paradisi with breakfast each day. (this speeds up up your metabolism)
3. Eat limited portions (stop consuming when you are full)
4. If you are consuming 3 large a meals a day, eat 5-6 smaller meals to keep your metabolism up and keep your body burning fat.
5. Aviod eating after 9 P.M.. Its good to eat before 9 P.M. so that our body gets proper time to burn calories before sleep.
6. Have a proper sleep everyday. Not having enough rest has been proved to be a major factor to the body storing excess fat.
7. Utilise a body/colon cleanse for the 7 days. This will get rid of needless fat stored around the stomach area as well as cleanse your body of harmfull pollutants that makes you store fat and feel tired. Flush away excess pounds around the stomach area that otherwise would be hard to lose.
8. I advice you using Acai Berry Diet Pills. This one is tested to work, and you can get a free trial.
9. For those people who need to burn fat quickly, avoid intoxicant.
10[url=].[/url] A low GI diet is an superior method of loosing fat quickly.


10:35 pm  
Blogger amphimacer said...

I used to have a job that involved talking with clients, and even dealing with them face-to-face when they came in, which was mercifully seldom. Now I have what is much the same job except there are "customer service" representatives, who earn less than I do and serve as middlemen (and women) between the clients and everyone else. This victory has made my life a merry melody of cursing at clients with impunity. The next step is to find someone else to do my work, and then I will get paid for cursing the clients, like the top brass. But they will never retire, since they earn more than anyone else and do nothing useful at all. There's a life lesson here, but I'm cursing too loudly to hear it.

3:57 am  
Blogger Ellie said...

Well, the Internet is full of crazies. And just might be a whole new source for you. Easier to ignore I suppose.

12:52 pm  
Blogger Pueblo girl said...

So, was it you?

1:38 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Anon: Sound advice.

Amph: I don't strive toward doing nothing useful, but not having to deal with the general populace sounds lovely.

Ellie: Strangely this has mostly remained a crazy-free zone. Mostly. We'll see.

PB: Oddly I do not spend my days off out a-murdering. Contrary to the belief of people who really shouldn't be running their own businesses.

5:24 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

I've completely lost my train of thought due to fact that Anon has blown me away with such wisdom - Keep Distance from fried foods for a week. That is worthy of a billboard. Although what do you do if fried foods start following you? Do you run? How big a Distance?

I think it's lovely the crazies are drawn to you. And obviously quite perturbed that you might be a murderer.

9:25 pm  
Blogger Shane said...

I happen to have no dietary advice, but I too did find much useful information here, in your community.

I hadn't thought to be so sensitive to those who I speak to on the phone. In future, I will be mindful that I'm speaking to more than just a voice, but a potential murderer. Naturally, I will be very polite. Wouldn't want to goad anyone.

10:38 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

brilliant as usual,kid.

7:32 am  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

I'm with Anon....

er...can I have your phone number please?

...or alternatively how much to murder my mother?

6:19 pm  
Blogger Lil Miss said...

Wow.... I would be genuinely worried about her! 'Alien visitors show no respect for god' Just.. wow... Maybe SHE did the murders

7:03 pm  
Blogger Carnalis said...

perhaps you should always have an alibi, just in case.

8:32 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Em: I, however, do not think it 'lovely' that our nations Fruit Loops adore me so - and it does make me wonder what it is they see in me.

I am not a murderer.

Shane: Best to be cautious I suppose.

I am not a murderer.

Punx: Thanks. Can't get enough of being referred to as 'kid' by the way.

Dinners: I am not a murderer.

Lil: The 'space alien' thing was a bit lost on me as my coping mechanism with this one is to not really listen too closely to what she's saying. Today's gem was -

'You might have trouble hearing me properly. It's my soup you see.' No further explanation was offered.

I don't think it WAS her, but it certainly wasn't me.

I am not a murderer.

C: I shan't need one.

I am not a murderer.

In case any members of law enforcement are reading or, indeed, the chap/chapess who keeps logging on to this site from the Houses of Parliament and spending obsessive amounts of time reading this drivel - should you not be busy helping run the country by the way - I would like to make one thing perfectly clear:

I am not a murderer.

Thank you.

9:29 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

Mmm, most murderers would say that, wouldn't they.

9:41 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...


*sigh* There was that tramp that one time but they don't count.

9:43 pm  
Anonymous Jean said...

It's okay, TD. We all have that tramp we intentionally murdered in the dark of night back home. Cheer up. You dissolved the bones in lye, right?

2:57 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hello Jean and welcome. Deeply alarming though you seem to be.

10:10 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

married dating agency friends sex meeting uk [url=]singles events louisville[/url] singles rooms adultsinglesmeet

3:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the first person with anxiety [url=]disfunzione erettile[/url] human canine penis no smoking regulations amendment
dangers of chemical vitamin c [url=]antiviral[/url] apple cidar vinegar and blood sugar [url=]percentage of new aids infections in women[/url]

2:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

breast cancer awareness organization [url=]Buy Retin-A 0.02% Low prices, side effects, interactions[/url] warning signs of a heart attack pulmonary edema after calcium hyperkalemic patient
ottawa government medical lawsuits [url=]female enhancement[/url] countries doing drugs [url=]muscle sinus pressure circulation[/url]

3:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
[url=]hgh viagra[/url] windsor pharmacy east brunswick [url=]side effects of mirapex or requip[/url]
add book cialis guest record
[url=]lost cost levitra[/url] north mississippi medicine [url=]prometrium instead of progesterone in oil[/url]
local pharmacy
[url=]parleigh pharmacy[/url] cialis cheap cialis online [url=]cost of ribavirin[/url] most common used anesthesia drugs [url=]for how long hydroxyurea used in treatment of sickle cell[/url]

9:32 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
[url=]cialis sex[/url] pharmacys high point nc [url=]glucosamine and chondriotin[/url]
drug interaction website
[url=]director pharmacy[/url] mothers against drug driving [url=]bisoprolol[/url]
commonly abused prescription drugs
[url=]high school drug testing new hampshire[/url] alliance ohio home health care [url=]where can i buy imitrex tablets[/url] creatinine erectile dysfunction [url=]netdoktor glimepiride[/url]

8:59 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gun dealers in texas selling 25 auto union automobile
[url=]auto tattoo pictures[/url] boardwalk auto [url=]honda trx 400ex idling problems[/url]
volkswagen dealer license plate frames
[url=]chev racing parts[/url] city auto sales in claremont nh [url=]acura[/url]
auto cleaning product manufactures directory
[url=]european auto source[/url] windows auto tint salt lake tnt [url=]ronaldo vs bugatti video[/url]

6:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
[url=]illegal drugs in north carolina[/url] find information on cialis [url=]ceftin er[/url]
what to expect from levitra
[url=]drug parafanail[/url] walgreens printable coupon pharmacy [url=]cardura medication[/url]
philadelphia pharmacy technician employment agengy
[url=]fashion induststy drugs adolesions[/url] how o i re enact the effects of drug withdrawl [url=]carbohydrate counting and diabetic complications and journals[/url] drug coated stent [url=]generic for cardura[/url]

7:31 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fashion men birthday gifts web designer job description [url=]diesel fashion[/url] wayne diamond fashion jewelry designer peretti [url=]the laurentian and staples thesis of harold innis[/url]

8:37 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

susanne knips dresdner kleinwort leather clothes [url=]demonstration tie shoes[/url] replica chanel jewelry kitchen designer program [url=]super man shoes[/url]

9:25 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

joyce griffith jcps adult education louisville ky
[url=]adult posting pic sites[/url] noe adult comics [url=]shemales melbourne[/url]
manda model porn
[url=]sore swollen anal vein[/url] free anal transexual trailers [url=]using your erotic power to torment your husband[/url]
full metal alchemist adult
[url=]soft dildo[/url] titjob hentai clips [url=]handjob porn archives[/url]
stores adult las vegas
[url=]photo adult contest pics[/url] adult videos free clips [url=]best handjob video[/url]

7:47 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

clinton il internal medicine [url=]actos[/url] acme mineral extraction company michael c beers
hacc dental [url=]weight loss[/url] how to start a home health care agency [url= ]blood in mucus sinusitis [/url] the royal tea room laplata maryland
federal opinion letter medical [url=]lamisil[/url] puget sound naval shipyard branch medical clinic
free natural penis enhancement [url=]prilosec[/url] prostate massage milking porn [url= ]what natural herbs for vaginal problems [/url] breasts enhancement pills

3:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dorsal corporeal edge penis [url=]parte pills[/url] united dental care of arizona
cross section of vein [url=]plan b[/url] kids tea party places in california [url= ]upstate medical anesthesia group [/url] ways to lower cholesterol htm
augmentin zyrtec synthroid zyrtec pravachol z pak [url=]keppra[/url] allure diet pills
medical infusion pumps [url=]anti depressant anti anxiety[/url] abortion pill drink [url= ]health sciences association british columbia [/url] arcadia health management

1:24 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

crossdresser clothes ladies in fetish clothes [url=]ballet shoes nicest[/url] nike air max history of shoes converge triax chanel jewelry [url=]mindy kleinberg contact[/url]

6:28 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
[url=]hair test drugs[/url] fpgee exams pharmacy examinations
drugs possess cntrl sub wo prescription
[url=]drug work probation[/url] how to mask herion drug test
ama and national health insurance
[url=]words teens use for hiding spots for drugs[/url] serpa pharmacy viagra on sale

9:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

texas bingo regulatory entity internet casinos keno play rule
[url=]lottery press release[/url] the bingo club [url=]jackpot at the end of a rainbow[/url]
make your own online casino
[url=]seneca allegheny casino camping[/url] spread betting system [url=]ip casino[/url]
hopedale winner of ma lottery hotel baccarat nice [url=]audio problems with casino royale dvd[/url]

7:37 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

a fashion legacy rico puhlmann baby girl christmas clothes [url=]value fashion store in maryland[/url] designer puppies bargain clarks shoes [url=]training shoes uk[/url]

7:07 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hsr casino argousy casino
[url=]grand casino millacs[/url] gambling software blackjack tips [url=]slot machine cake[/url]
imb commercial buzzword bingo
[url=]lottery numbeeeers[/url] gambling game wheel of furtune [url=]lottery ct[/url]
gambling pictures little river casino south carolina [url=]jersey cash 5 highest jackpot ever[/url]

4:16 pm  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

Go to newer posts