Tuesday, March 02, 2010


Client: We need a new slogan for our advertisement. The old one's a bit .... erm. I'm not very good with words... erm...

Me: 'Old'?

Client: Exactly. See what you can come up with.

Me: What?

Client: See you tomorrow.

Me: [Into a now silent phone] For fuck's sake.

This is terrible. The client in question believes me to be a 'creative'. I am not. I have people who can be creative on my behalf but they can't 'magic things up' in one day flat - they need to go shopping for moccasins for at least a week to enliven the imagination before they come up with anything. I'm going to have to do this myself. And, if anything, I'm a 'destructive'.

I canvass the opinion of my colleagues.

The client has the largest taxi firm in the sprawling city that I have a peculiar love/hate relationship with. They're not, but let's just say they're called 'City Cabs'. And I want to keep on the right side of him for two reasons:

1) I pay next to fuck all for taxis these days.


2) Like any cash business of that size, it's fucking rife with organized crime.

Thug Colleague: 'Pulled a munter? Be a punter of City Cabs'?

Me: Thanks for your help. No. Really.

Lovely But Stupid: [Back from maternity leave] What about safety? You've read about these pretend mini-cab drivers who assualt drunk girls who think that they're getting into real taxis?

Me: [Quite surprised. This is sounding sensible. Maybe motherhood has sharpened her wits] Ok. All the drivers are CRB checked [amazingly] as it happens.

LBS: [Not joking] Well there you go. How about - 'City Cabs - We Won't Rape You'?

Unless anyone comes up with anything better before 10.00am tomorrow morning that's what I'm walking in there with.


Blogger Pueblo girl said...

As I can't think of a better proposal, I suggest selling LBS's idea as a direct and refreshingly honest approach to advertising that will lure the public, jaded by false promises...You could add that they won't overcharge, for the male audience...

9:27 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

Simple - wait for Anon to leave another creative message, de-code it, take out the urls and !s and there you have it. Or go with LBS and look for a new job.

You're welcome.

9:29 pm  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

Personally I'd run with it. Fuck walking.

Make money buy vodka and curry.

Works for me.

I part owned a mini-cab firm many many years ago.

I had a one armed driver and an Indian called Galeeb who wore a cowboy hat and offerd all his female fares the offer of a shag for a free cab.

Mini Cabbing is another world mate and like many other worlds I've sadly lived in them...

Take the money and run!!!!

9:40 pm  
Blogger mondraussie said...

Well LBS' suggestion is certainly short and to the point... and a whole lot better than the government run campaigns that were running when i lived in the uk about 4 years ago which basically put the blame at the door of your drunk friends who allowed you to get into an illegal mini-cab by yourself in the wee hours of the morning...

9:52 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

PB: To be honest I am tempted.

Em: When spammers are your only hope of coming up with decent copy you know you're in trouble. I'm getting fired aren't I?

Dinners: Absolutely no help whatsoever. Cheers.

M: Don't remember said campaign but it sounds like exactly the sort of drivel this country churns out - which I actually quite like about the place as it happens. Much better to be subjected to what amounts to the demented warbling of an elderly Aunt than mass genocide because you live in the wrong place/worship the wrong coconut shell.

None of you have been any help. I expect to be unemployed tomorrow.

10:45 pm  
Anonymous Dr Rick said...

"City Cabs - because the buses are shit"

"Can't be bothered to walk? City Cabs!"

"We actually turn up when we said we would."

Hmm. I expect you're still going to be unemployed tomorrow, then.

10:52 pm  
Blogger Debster said...

City Cabs - we drive when you can't?

11:11 pm  
Blogger Plummy Mummy said...

A cab a day, keeps the bunions away

City cabs...we're miles better

City cabs...give dad's taxi a rest

City cabs...won't drive you mad

City cabs...for the ride of your life

Hmmm I prefer LBS's phrase. Much more direct and succinct.

11:28 pm  
Anonymous Northern Dad said...

First, let me say that I've loved your blog for ages, but never participated (that makes me a lurker, doesn't it? Which sounds to me like a dirty old man doing all sorts of unsavoury things while reading your blog).

I think I've been through most of the stuff you have, the defining moment being, after 15 years as a sales person with a blue chip company, and enduring yet another day-long post-mortem (or sales meeting, as they were called), when the SD asked "are there any questions?" I replied, in a fit of boredom "Yes, whatever happened to Spangles?" The call next day from my line manager, which included the phrase "Your attitude WAS noted!" just made me think "lighten up, everyone, I have a REAl life, too!"

I remember spending an excruciating three days on a sales course aimed at beginners, when everyone present had over ten years experience, continually staring at a photo of my 2 year-old son, trying to remind myself of why I shouldn't just stalk out of the whole thing and tell them to f**k off. Instead I amused myself by winding up the (female) tutor with sales objections such as "I'll never use your company, because I sleep with the salesman of my current supplier" (work your way around THAT one, smart arse!)

Anyway, apologies for rambling on in my first ever post here, but I'm afraid I have no suggestions for a slogan, so, basically, you're fucked. Sorry. Do what I did, get out and play rock and roll for a living. Brilliant.

Northern Dad

11:31 pm  
Anonymous Em said...


Perhaps you could drive a cab?

12:01 am  
Blogger punxxi said...

perhaps you could team up with Dinners and teach driving, instead?
City Cab? We'll keep ya off the slab...

3:49 am  
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10:12 am  
Blogger Carnalis said...

Did you??

I think the 'safety' angle was a great idea. "All drivers CRB checked" isn't snazzy, but i would like to see it in a strap line.

I am a *cough* creative ... and have never shopped for moccasins EVAH.

8:35 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Rick: Hello and welcome. Sadly, I believe that neither of us has a glittering future in copywriting ahead of us. It's how George Orwell got started you know. Shame. Irony.

Debs: We've used it before. Grr.

Plummy: Annoyingly I couldn't think of anything better that Stupid's proposal. But they're good.

Northern Dad: Hello and thanks for the life story.

Em: That won't be happening.

P: I strongly suspect neither of us would pass a breathaliser EVER so no.

Anon: Fuck off.

C: Yes. In fact I did. It went down fairly well. Are you curently a 'creative'? And if so can I have your silly expence account so I can get paid to spend two hours researching Adidas Gazelles on the internet instead of doing it for free as I did this afternoon?

9:14 pm  
Blogger Wendy said...

Cabbage. Good for the heart

1:56 am  
Blogger Ellie said...

I like the idea of not getting raped.

6:45 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Wendy: Hello and welcome. Although; have you been paying attention at all?

E: It is reassuring isn't it? I did present it but they weren't having it. Some people.

8:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love LBS' slogan.

"A small price to pay for safety"?

Sorry. You will get fired.

6:22 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hello Anon whoever you are. Fond of it myself but like I say, it didn't prove too popular.

9:14 pm  

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