I receive an email from a client.
“I’m really sorry, but my email isn’t working,” explains the email, “ so I won’t be able to send you the image files you need by the end of the day as you requested.”
I gaze out the window for a while before I read the rest of it. The files in question need to be of publication standard; at least 300 dpi. I steady myself and read the rest of the email.
“Is it ok if I just fax them to you instead?”
Deadlines are circling me like vultures.
I compose an email in reply.
“So sorry to hear of your inability to communicate by email – hope this is fixed soon. Unfortunately a faxed document tends not to reproduce terribly well. As a ‘last minute’ solution – time really is short now - I wonder if it would be alright if I take some generic images from your website – assuming they are of sufficient quality?”
I scratch at my fingernails for a minute or two. They are covered in superglue which has recently oft been mistaken – to much hilarity – for nail polish.
An emailed reply.
“Ok, but I don’t see why the fax would be a problem. And I know it’s late, but I can’t help that my emails aren’t working. Could you take them from the following website – www.mybiggestcompetitor.com? I want it to look just like theirs.”
I stare out the window some more. I think of phrases such as ‘copyright issues’ and know there is no point in employing them.
Blonde Colleague: Tired? Tired! I’ve got Client Name on the phone about those files. She doesn’t understand your emails.
Me: I’m going for a smoke. Tell her all our phone lines are down and no-one can speak to her.
BC: Won’t she suss that, as she got through in the first place, there’s nothing wrong with the phones?
Me: [Over my shoulder] I sincerely fucking doubt it.