Sunday, July 25, 2010

I Watch Television So You Don't Have To.

Sunday morning.

Idiot 1:
An amazing motorcycle crash there. You wonder how they walk away sometimes.

Idiot 2: Well they are trained for it. And they have quite a lot of padding.

Idiot 3: Up next – can ‘art’ be ‘too popular’?

Christ.

It’s only eight in the morning.

And the above – completely genuine and verbatim by the way – has been the morning’s highlight.

I’ve got the mid-morning waking-hell of that dreadful thing with the footballer’s wife and that awful AWFUL man – the one that the strangely-likeable cocktail-maker so obviously wants to knock-out – to look forward to which will probably be followed by at least 36 hours of Formula One coverage.

I can switch channels and watch Paul-McCartney-Looky-Likey Angela Lansbury solve some surprisingly alarming suburban crime or look at a bronze-coloured man sell some tat to fools.

A completely un-ironic news item concerning the lack of ‘pond-life’ in Great Britain bothers me for a second. We ‘need more ponds’ says a very earnest-looking man in a green polo-neck.

I turn the television off. I look at my watch.

Two whole hours. I want to kill someone.

People look at me with amazement when I tell them I don’t often watch television.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Em said...

I've just read these two posts wondering who you're talking about - sorry, not from around your parts. But the alarm bells started ringing when you confessed that you want to MURDER. Again.

Hmmm, I really thought you were All Better.

Don't you have the Discovery Channel?

10:49 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

I have four whole television channels and if they make me this unhappy I shall not be investing in any more but thanks.

7:48 pm  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

I do not own a functional television. When the country converted to all-digital, I didn't. I have 2 large paper-weights in my house that I consider tossing weekly.

I can, therefore, relate with regard to the strange looks.

8:30 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

I hear you.

7:36 pm  
Anonymous Nathaniel said...

I haven't had television going on two years now that I've gone back to university. I have friends who on a regular basis ask me if I've seen such and such episode of such and such show, or--Allah help me--such and such commercial.

My response is always some variation of humorous snark.

Their response: What? Oh. Oh yeah. Forgot.

The following week we will have this same conversation. And the week after that. And the one after that. And so on and so forth.

I'm convinced they have developed some sort of television-induced, selective amnesia. It would be funny if it weren't so disturbing.

Now, whenever I think of television I think of Plato's Cave.

4:44 am  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

All we have on here are continual shows about people moving house to somewhere else. I think the wifey's gone prematurely senile.

9:01 pm  

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