Wednesday, December 08, 2010


I am having a telephone conversation with the mother of my children, Favourite Daughter and Favourite Son.

Previously referred to as 'Tired Mam' (she never liked the name) Their Mother is prattling-on about something or other. I'm at work and my head has not room for whatever she is saying so I make appropriate noises.


Their Mother:
…oh and Favourite Daughter says she doesn't want you ever to have a girlfriend.

I start paying attention.

Me: Oh?

TM: Yes. EVER. I think she's a bit jealous.

Pre-emptively. Of nothing.

Ok. Well. Tell her. Fine, just so long as she never gets a boyfriend.

TM: [away from the phone’s mouthpiece] Daddy says that’s OK so long as you never have a boyfriend.

There is some talk in the background. A boy’s name is mentioned.


Favourite Daughter is eight years old.

Their Mother comes back on the phone.

I think she’s still holding out some hope.

Me: Christ. Well is it a deal or what?

TM: Hang on.

There is some mumbling in the background. I hear Favourite Daughter saying ‘Kaaaay’ in a distracted manner.

TM: Sorted.

Me: We’ll see.

All in all, I am perfectly happy with this agreement. Based on recent experience I'm confident I shan't have any trouble holding-up my end of the bargain.

Although I'm not so confident about hers.


Blogger punxxi said...

i'm glad i ony spawned males!

5:38 am  
Anonymous janeway said...

Perhaps she should get her own version of Uncannily Similar. Or you should get one for her.

12:43 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

Oh come on - you can get yourself a girlfriend! But you just have to keep her out of your home forever. That should be easy, yes? I've got a friend whose long-term boyfriend has never let her go to his home. I think it's cos he's actually got a wife and family there. But perhaps not. Perhaps he's just trying to keep up his end of the bargain with a daughter somewhere :-)

Ali x

3:25 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

You do realise that you've completely screwed up Favourite Daughter's entire sex-life forever.

She'll now have a massive block to seeing any men at any time, and because you've implanted the suggestion as such as early age, it'll be virtually impossible to erradicate in the future.

Well done.

Hope you feel proud of yourself

6:10 pm  
Blogger Ellie said...

If TwistedScottishBastard is right, it was your plan. Right?

7:36 pm  
Anonymous Johnners said...

Girls don't take any notice of their dads when it comes to boyfriends, in my experience, so I wouldn't worry.

Of course if you do get a girlfriend she now has an excuse to never forgive you or forget your betrayal. Oops.

10:08 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Punx: Oh I don't know. I'd like another daughter one day. They're cool. If you're their Dad.

Janeway: I don't think the 'friends' thing really works the same way for girls. They're fickle creatures.

Ali: It's always a 'friend' isn't it?

Twisted: It was kind of the idea. And yes I do.

Ellie: See above.

Johners: Great. Thanks. Really.

12:23 am  
Anonymous Johnners said...

Oh, sorry, was it a surprise? I thought you would have guessed - as soon as the subject was raised you were buggered. Metaphorically.

7:59 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

J: No. Really. Thanks. Keep it coming. Really. Fuck.

9:30 pm  

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