I Receive A Text Message.
I'm not hugely mourning the loss of my daily contact with Thug Colleague, Grant From Work and Silent Ben since their rather ignoble departure from my workplace, but it is quite odd and I don’t like change.
As such I’ve uncharacteristically been in quite regular contact with them as we do the odd thing of changing from work ‘mates’ to actual friends. The last time I did this was with Gay Mark and look how that ended. He wasn’t gay before.
Not that I'm saying being friends with me turns you gay. I'm not saying that at all.
Anyway. I now find myself ‘organizing things’ and that. Not my forte, but I’m rather enjoying it.
Oh and let me make it clear - the ‘ignoble’ aspect was not down to them at all and actually I think they’ve acted rather impressively but that’s all I’m saying. I don’t want to be one of those ‘bloggers’ who gets sacked for jabbering about their workplace and then gets a book deal as a result. I’d hate that.
But I’d started – after nearly five years – to decide they were ‘alright’. Thug was exactly the sort of person I’d never get on with, Grant was so dry he made me look like Timmy Mallett and Silent Ben has – to my knowledge – never spoken to anyone ever.
But still I send a text to Thug offering some gesture of solidarity following a night of cold-drinks related entertainment neither of us could attend. Unfortunately for me, he texts as he speaks so I have little idea what the following reply means:
“Wey ner hit it like mark hits his balls off male anus na cudnt make it had ma fitness class on till 8 wud have been owa late we shud sort owt a gud drink soon mate get all the gud ones owt minus Hitler and ginger Claire haha.”
After several readings I can only assume that a night out of some sort is in the offing.
I think.
More things to organise. *sigh*
As such I’ve uncharacteristically been in quite regular contact with them as we do the odd thing of changing from work ‘mates’ to actual friends. The last time I did this was with Gay Mark and look how that ended. He wasn’t gay before.
Not that I'm saying being friends with me turns you gay. I'm not saying that at all.
Anyway. I now find myself ‘organizing things’ and that. Not my forte, but I’m rather enjoying it.
Oh and let me make it clear - the ‘ignoble’ aspect was not down to them at all and actually I think they’ve acted rather impressively but that’s all I’m saying. I don’t want to be one of those ‘bloggers’ who gets sacked for jabbering about their workplace and then gets a book deal as a result. I’d hate that.
But I’d started – after nearly five years – to decide they were ‘alright’. Thug was exactly the sort of person I’d never get on with, Grant was so dry he made me look like Timmy Mallett and Silent Ben has – to my knowledge – never spoken to anyone ever.
But still I send a text to Thug offering some gesture of solidarity following a night of cold-drinks related entertainment neither of us could attend. Unfortunately for me, he texts as he speaks so I have little idea what the following reply means:
“Wey ner hit it like mark hits his balls off male anus na cudnt make it had ma fitness class on till 8 wud have been owa late we shud sort owt a gud drink soon mate get all the gud ones owt minus Hitler and ginger Claire haha.”
After several readings I can only assume that a night out of some sort is in the offing.
I think.
More things to organise. *sigh*
posted by Tired Dad at
8:00 pm
14 Comments:
What a shame about Ginger Claire. If she looks lonely, let me know.
Astonishingly she is taken, despite her disagreeable face, personality, body and general odious presence.
And will keep talking even when you 'blank' her mid-sentence, turn your back and actually leave the building. As I discovered today.
Avoid.
I really don't know/cannot decypher Thug's erudite text.
But.
If I were you, I'd:
a) Wear an invulnerable chastity belt (I'm deeply suspicious of the phrase "balls off male anus na cudnt")
b) Bring along a couple from National Front ("gud ones owt minus Hitler")
c) Bring your new vacuum cleaner.
Anyway, if any of your bosses read this blog you're already fucked, so go for it.
Well really it is only the first twelve words of the text that make no sense, the rest is perfectly clear Geordie dialect. I agree with Scottish Bastard that it does sound like a vague threat to smash someone's back doors in (who is Mark?) but it could be that Thug had predictive text switched on. Either that or you have managed to "turn" another of your straight colleagues! Am loving this blog, a welcome distraction from work, as always, keep it up please.
TSB: My bosses are well aware of how unpleasant I am so I doubt there'd be any surprises here.
Two S: Thanks. I hope not to have 'turned' anyone.
What happened to the rest of the comments?
I'm sure there were more last time I looked.
I've just discovered that blooger.com has had some real problems, and are in the process of restoring the few blog accounts that have had some problems.
Well done Tired Dad.
According to blogger.com, less than 0.16% of accounts had problems, including yours. Talk about exclusivity.
Right then google. I believe you owe me at least three missing comments. In your own time - don't make me come get you.
TSB: Yeah it went tits-up day before yesterday. Seems that me and a film-critic I sort-of know where the only people in the uk affected.
Okay...so...I know Americans get criticized for their usage/slang/grammatical mistakes and general mis-treatment of the language, particularly when texting. But...was that English? What was it that he said?
It's a regional dialect and I'm sorry - I'm in the dark myself.
Does Thug Colleague know any idioms that don't involve sodomy?
First a 'girlfriend' and now a social life! What is the world coming to? J x
Anon: To be honest I don't think so. Like most straight men, he isn't homophobic, he just delights in what he sees as the complete absurdity of gay sex. Oh well.
J: Oh don't get too excited. Trust me.
Every single blog I look at, all over the world, were affected.
So, has this magical evening happened yet?
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