Thursday, March 27, 2008

Dark Days.

It's banality more than anything else. And still is.

The thing with long-term insomnia is that you don’t really feel anything anymore. You go through your days and to all concerned you appear to be a normal person. But you’re neither happy nor sad, excited or bored. You’re just THERE.

And don’t get me started on the memory loss or the general feeling of unreality. Or the six-foot high spiders that aren’t really there. They scared the shit out of me.

No. It was the whole Not Really Feeling Anything that got me.

Except Anger. It was the only thing that got through, that made me feel alive.

So thank God for people like ‘J’.

Some time ago I worked for an idiot, on an idiotic monthly publication that didn’t really exist. Said idiot had an alarming habit of employing other idiots. The idiot level once got so high I wasn’t really sure if any of it was real.

Idiot Boss: Hi Tired. This is Jason. I’m sure you’ll all make him ‘feel’ welcome.

Jason: You can call me ‘J’.

Me: What?

Jason: I said you can call me ‘J’.

Me: Really?

Jason: Yeah.

Me: [Laughing. I foolishly thought he was joking.] What? Like ‘H’ in ‘Steps’?

Jason: [Deadpan] Just ‘J’.

Oh God.

His jeans were so over-designed they must have been the work of an OCD epileptic, his hair would have worn Vidal Sassoon to the quick and I’m sorry but there is no way on God’s earth are you losing you door keys when they are attached to your belt with a two-foot long bicycle chain.

Not what I’d have worn on my first day but who am I? Did I mention the jeans were white?

The very fact that this absurd cockerel even exists is starting to re-invigorate me.

And then he started talking.

To be continued.

18 Comments:

Blogger d34FpUpPy said...

so u hallucinate 2 ,eh?

11:05 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Not for some time.

11:22 pm  
Blogger Joan of Argghh! said...

The Audacity of Hate is that it gives one something to live for.

12:16 am  
Blogger Cynnie said...

oh the chains..

( if you decide to mimic his style ..pleeeease take photos..I'll pay)

4:28 am  
Blogger Misssy M said...

You teasing, two-parter-mongering evil genius.

I banned those trouser chains from my classroom when I was a lecturer. I just hate them and they anger me, so I made up a stupid rule about them being a safety hazard in the Tv studio (that we only sometimes went into).

I tried to do the same with baseball caps but couldn't make it sound convincing enough. And whale tail G-strings...well, I was reaching with that one.

9:52 am  
Blogger Windypops said...

Man! You are such a tease.

1:55 pm  
Anonymous mr_glide said...

Spiders are fucking evil. They should be killed to death. Even fictional ones.

4:42 pm  
Anonymous Benj said...

J for Jerk?

6:04 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This spliff is sick x

5:46 am  
Blogger Clarissa said...

White jeans? HOTT.

5:50 am  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

My name is D. 4D. I don't wear white jeans but I have got a pork pie hat. This seems to alarm the wife so it is a good thing.

Seek guidence Clarissa. Please?

3:58 pm  
Blogger Amanda said...

White Jeans? Oh dear.

TBC? Windy is right you are a tease.

6:16 pm  
Anonymous Franki said...

i agree white jeans are a stretch, but i'm equally concerned about your checking out and analyzing his ass-wear.

12:30 am  
Blogger bittersweet said...

were they *tight* white jeans?

10:19 am  
Blogger Cynnie said...

I dont know why you don't just come out and admit it

6:23 pm  
Blogger Shane said...

Distracted by Anonymous' comment about his/her sick spliff. Ah well and all that. But your post...

These J-types can be good fun - in the same way that I'm sure badger-baiting has its charms - up to the point of you having to rely on them. I'm sensing... a very real shit-house? Made of bricks?

11:09 pm  
Blogger Echomouse said...

ok so hallucinating about spiders while suffering insomnia is normal. Thank God. I thought I was losing my mind. Really.

White jeans....and after that you make us wait!? Gah.

5:57 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Right. Sorry people. I've things to do you know.

Joan: Quite right. (Great name by the way)

C: You're being weird.

Missy: Are you as pleased as me that big pants are slowly winning over the whole g/thong tryanny? They're somehow less unsettling.

Windy: Stop flirting with me.

M_G: Agreed.

Benj: Not far off.

Anon: Enjoy your whitey.

C: Seek help. Oh Christ. You like that guy in that band don't you?

Dinners: Aight.

Amanda: I HAVE A LIFE. When I can, I promise.

Franki: I was checking his leg-wear. Only you are thinking of his 'ass'.

Me: Oh Christ. They were fucking WHITE! And I didn't notice.

C: What? WHAT?!

Shane: Lost me.

Echo: After some consultation I've found it's actually quite routine. Ah well.

9:22 pm  

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