I am At Work, and laughing so hard at the most inappropriate comment I have ever heard that I am concerned I may hurt myself. Anyway.
Three days previously.
I am In The Pub.
My sister has just introduced myself to an old friend of hers.
Sister: She's got an odd sense of humour, mind.
Old Friend: I find it's always best to establish people's boundaries so I don't offend them.
O.F: So. The disabled?
Me: Intrinsically amusing.
O.F: Good. AIDS?
Me: You've got to laugh.
O.F: Fine. Cot death?
Me: Got to draw the line somewhere. That's it for me.
Having established this, we chat for awhile and I discover she works for an independent television company that produce content exclusively for Channel Five. Which did not surprise me.
Anyway. Three days later.
Myself and Uncannily Similar are in the office, discussing our plans for that Saturday night . It is decided that three or four of us are to meet at an unbearably swanky establishment for a 'boy's night out'.
Normally the term fills me with dread, conjuring as it does images of belching competitions, endless discussions involving football, mobile phone tariffs and 'birds', and ending - if it is a particularly good night - with the ignition of digestive gases. Fortunately, my friends are all in their mid-thirties and content themselves with talking amusing nonsense, attempting to dance, complaining that it's a bit loud and 'can we go somewhere quiet' and then falling over because they're not in their twenties anymore and are not used to drinking so much so quickly.
That's my friends. Not me. (It's always a 'friend' isn't it?)
One of our colleagues is very girly, very sweet and very thick. She reeks of innocence. And she has overheard us.
Sweet But Thick: Oh I wish I could go out on a Saturday. But all my friends are always busy with their families and things.
Uncannily Similar: Come out with us!
Me: Yes. We'll look after you.
U.S: Yeah. We'll show you a good time.
S.B.T: Oh really boys? What do you have in mind?
U.S: Well. Have you seen that film 'The Accused'?
Uncannily Similar was never much for establishing boundaries. Perhaps he should start.