Monday, July 26, 2010

I Read The Guardian So You Don’t Have To #2

Caption to a reader-submitted photograph of a dreary, piss-stained underpass:

“Walking through an underpass, I was struck by the wonderful simplicity of the shadow and the composition that resulted.”

Do you know what I think when walking under a concrete monstrosity littered with watery-grey-filled condoms and crushed cans of Stella Artois?

I'll tell you what I DON'T THINK:

'Angles, that was the theme for the Guardian Weekend magazine's photo montage for next week! This is perfect! Look at those shadows! I'm just going to whip out my 12 mega-pixel camera right now and capture this rare moment of beauty in such an unlikely setting!'

Do you know why I don't?

Because I'm not a cunt.


Blogger Sewmouse said...

The caption sounds like the kind of self-impressed nonsense spouted by wine fans. "A fruity overtone with hints of lime and wallpaper paste and a lovely chocolate and coffee-bean finish, although a bit of lingering turpentine..."

Or interior decorators.

It all sounds snooty, ridiculous, and just a bit effeminate, to me.

8:35 pm  
Blogger Wikignomic said...

Yes, you're not.

But if you serve up any more shit like this, you will be.

10:00 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

no, no you are not

6:29 am  
Blogger fourstar said...

Heh, I thought exactly the same thing when I saw that photo. I can put up with a lot from that little page of smug ("Oh darling, dig out that wonderful snap we took in Bali of the little orphan boy in the pale blue shorts - this week's theme is 'Alone'...") but a concrete underpass? The twat.

8:00 am  
Blogger Pueblo girl said...

I'm impressed by all this selfless reading and watching you're doing on our behalf.

I stopped taking the Guardian seriously years ago when they ran an article on groundbreaking cookery using a blowtorch and straw (available at your local pet shop). Wankers.

4:02 pm  
Blogger Carnalis said...

i like to think that, now and then, that 12 mega-pixel camera is pinched by some hungry bugger.

5:43 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

Maybe the photo was submitted by someone, tongue in cheek... for a bit of a joke at the paper's expense?

*she says hopefully*

Bet you they REALLY took the picture to accompany their irate letter to the local council complaining of 'irregularly it emptying the 'street furniture' or sommat.

Ali x

7:41 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Sew: You're right on all counts.

Wiki-guy: You're quite right. The levels of disgusting irony on within this shit post are the only things that have prevented me from deleting it:

1: Writing about your belief that you are 'not a cunt' is perhaps the most cuntish enterprise ever.

2: 'The Guardian' for God's sake. Obvious target, and I shouldn't be reading it if I didn't think it was a very good publication; which it is, despite its occasional lapse into unintentional self-parody.

3: This, along with the other two posts below, was written whilst in the midst of an absolutely disgusting self-destructive drinking bender that lasted 36 fucking hours during which I slagged-off Alex Higgins. But could still type.

Thanks for your insight though.

Punx: Ta.

Fourstar: Hello and welcome. You've made me do a little chuckle.

PB: Do you know, I think I read that one.

C: I'd prefer if it were an iphone but I know what you mean.

7:51 pm  
Blogger Young at Heart said...

today's middle-class-right-on-screaming-libral-picket-fence-impaled-news........tomorrow's kitty-litter-liner.....

8:43 pm  
Blogger Jaywalker said...

I was about to note how productive you're being recently, but I see you've explained it with the whole 36 hour drinking binge thing. Marvellous. Good to know.

I'm always happy you've posted even if it's generic sozzled Guardian abuse.

10:48 pm  
Blogger Grace said...

Oh TD, you never fail to make me chuckle out loud to myself. I'm reading Charlie Brookers 'The hell of it all' at the moment and he reminds me somewhat of you. By the way; I'm a very tired mummy at the moment, can I have a stroke please? ;-)

11:41 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

I wish I could drink and type. Let alone drink and read. Kudos TD.

11:53 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Young: Hello and welcome. The thing about Rupert Everett made me smile.

Jay: Not marvellous at all, just rather pathetic to be honest.

Grace: I sometimes contribute to another website which is not as 'secret' as this blog, and people I know have mentioned the Brooker thing. It's not intentional and hopefully there's room in the world for two border-line sociopaths. I'll take it as a compliment.

Sure you're more than capable of stroking yourself.

Em: Like I said. Nothing to be proud about.

9:19 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

Nominated you for a Beautiful Blogger Award. If you've won it so often that you don't feel like taking part, it's cool ;-)

Ali x

3:36 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

I don't even know what that is.

4:47 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

It's a good thing, honestly :-)

Ali x

3:36 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

No doubt. Fill your boots.

8:49 pm  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

well they are useful you know

9:03 pm  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

cunts that is...not Guardian readers

9:03 pm  
Blogger Lil Miss said...

HAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i actually laughed until a little pee came out

10:16 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hello Lil, welcome back. A cheap shot, but glad it entertained.

10:24 pm  

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