Sunday, September 26, 2010

Forget It Jake ...

I’ve no strong feelings either way about my Lovely But Stupid Colleague, and am certainly above mentioning the time she shit herself at the office Christmas party, because that would be hugely ungentlemanly.

I just would really rather she didn’t speak to me. Ever.

And I've things on my mind. My Grandfather is unwell and apparently I'm not doing too well either.

I walk back into my building after both smoking a cigarette and conducting an odd exchange with a dancer, of which more another time.

Lovely But Stupid:
Tired! I’ve just been to Chinatown!

(By the way, who really thinks a reliance on laxatives as a weight-loss solution, and then drinks two bottles of wine in the staff toilets before they even get to the party is going to have their evening end in anything other than total humiliation?)

Me: Ok.

It was really, I don’t know…. Sort of …..

Like most large cities, there is a significant quarter of ours which is entirely of the Orient.

Me: Chinese?

LBS: YES! Everyone was….erm….


LBS: YES! It was like being in… er…well…


LBS: EXACTLY! It was all just really….er…

Me: Chinese?

You shit yourself at the Christmas party, I think to myself. However, I do not say anything, as I am a gentleman.

LBS: YES! GOD! It was amazing!

Fucking hell.

I don’t mention the stone cold fact that she shit herself at the Christmas party. Because that would just be out of order, and gentlemen do not mention such things.

We had to call her boyfriend to take her home and everything. He looked rather resigned when he turned up.


Blogger Ellie said...

Bloody hell. You are a gentleman.

9:11 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Yeah. Not.

10:37 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

That's quite a diet she was on. Laxatives AND wine. I'm surprised she didn't pebble-dash the entire wall a fetching shade of burgundy.

Ali x

Sorry to hear you're not well :-(

3:00 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Ali: The situation you describe was not a million miles from the truth.

And thanks.

8:14 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

Sorry to hear you've not completely recovered.

Perhaps you should try the medication your lady colleague has just used.

AFter you get over the effects of the 2 x wine and the laxative, you'll probably feel much better. Comparatively speaking of course.

Hope your Grandfather gets better too.

10:04 pm  
Blogger punxxi said...

Sorry about Granddad and you.
Did you never think that it might be more gentlemanly to rub her nose in it? Only so that she will avoid such idiocy in the future?

4:13 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

TSB: Is it you spending an unholy amount of time checking my archives? I'll save you the time - this is as good as it gets.

Thanks for your kind words. Although I'll not be trying her diet.

Punx: To be honest I actually applaud her for coming into work the following Monday. How many would have?

10:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, what's wrong with you?

Ann Anon

6:19 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Hello Ann.

The jury's out. It's either my head, my heart or nothing at all.

I'm not a medical man but I'm leaning toward the latter.

10:10 pm  
Blogger Erika said...


I don't know how I've come to stumble upon this gem, but I am glad I have. I've never read a finer gentleman.

10:24 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Oh. Hello. Thanks.

11:49 am  

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