Sunday, October 24, 2010

“You’re so money baby.”

As I work in a murky provincial corner of the ‘meedya’ I sometimes find myself on a ‘list’ of ‘important people’ who are then invited to a ‘thing’ that involves food, drink, untold glamour (basically fit women in skimpy outfits) and no financial outlay.

Which happened the other week and, as the above sounds utterly brilliant, I promptly RSVP’ed to the affirmative secure in the belief that the organisers should have first checked if I were actually important before offering me ‘free shit’.

I inform them that myself, Uncannily Similar and ‘others’ shall be attending.

Amazingly, no-one at the P.R. susses that I am, in fact, ‘No-one At All’ and accept.

Uncannily Similar:
Right. Got a few more ‘on board’. Be about half a dozen now.

Me: Erm. Ok. Who?

He reels off a set of names and –

Me: ‘Janice and Paul’?

U.S: Aaah. Yeeah.

Me: No offence. Janice looks like a homeless. WHEN SHE MAKES AN EFFORT. And – not being funny – Paul is a fucking DWARF. An – no, hang on – an ACTUAL dwarf. His eyes don’t even point in the same direction – no, shut up, he’s got the little hands and everything – there is NO WAY anyone will think that we are ‘high-rollers’ worthy of ‘free shit’ when the CIRCUS IS IN TOWN. Never.

Three hours later.

We’re all wasted on free booze and acting like over-excited children. We’ve gone back for ‘seconds’ at the buffet (some of us ‘thirds’), loudly demanded why the champagne appears to have dried up and have also asked where the free cocktails have gone.

I decide to leave, aware of the fact that I’m not getting on to any more P.R. mailing lists in the near future.

And get home to find a troubling letter from a hospital on my doormat.


Blogger amphimacer said...

John Lennon's seventieth birthday was recently being pumped, and this entry simply brought to mind first the subtitle and then the proper title of one of his best known songs: "We All Shine On"; then "Instant Karma"...

5:38 pm  
Anonymous Tessa said...

So ...I'm guessing that the "murky provincial corner of the meedya" in which you work has something to do with composing cliff-hangers?? Don't leave your faithful readers hanging too long ... Or maybe it's none of our business??

6:40 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Amph: ok then.

Tessa: Hello. No, it was just another invite to yet another test to see if my brain works alright. I just could have done without it, assuming the previous one would have ruled-out anything to be concerned about. Oh well.

7:17 pm  
Blogger Four Dinners said...

So you haven't paid your National Insurance and they've written to you for a back payment?

I'll cross the toes mate...the fingers are round a voddy glass...

I knew a dwarf once but I daren't say too much as it may be before the watershed somewhere in the world...

10:12 pm  
Anonymous Em said...

I'm hoping your brain is ok.

Also hoping you had a good night out since you won't be invited to any more.

2:09 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Dinners: I'm pretty sure the crossing of anything isn't really required. And I'm also sure I don't need to hear your dwarf story.

Em: I'm sure the brain is fine. Results not in but I'm getting excellent mileage out of the whole incident.

And yeah, it was an ok evening. Free and that.

12:32 pm  
Blogger Debster said...

I once saw a dwarf using a cashpoint machine and it was a special low down knee height one.

Hope the letter and test dont add up to anything serious, was the buffet worth it?

6:08 pm  
Blogger Alison Cross said...

PR events are like brain tests in that you should make the most of everything you get offered.

Don't get bladdered at your brain test.


Fingers crossed for you :-)

Ali x

6:28 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Debs: I've seen those! The low-cash points, not dwarfs, obviously. Always wondered what they were for, reasoning that children do not have bank cards. It all makes sense now.

It won't be serious, and the buffet was what buffets always are.

Ali: Agreed re: P.R. events. As to the rest - well, I'm just attention-seeking now to be honest.

6:43 pm  
Blogger TwistedScottishBastard said...

Lucky you. The only freebies that teachers get is the occasional free sausage roll at morning tea, or samples of pencils. Pencils. Wonderful.

I hope the letter from a hospital wasn't bad news.

I hope the hospital concerned wasn't Carstairs.

10:17 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Yeah. I'm an out-patient of a high-security hospital for like, really bad people.

Don't knock the free pencils by the way. In stationary terms they are like gold-dust in most normal offices.

10:27 pm  
Blogger Debster said...

You should have fact-finding expeditions to Ikea then - all the free pencils and measuring tapes you can take.

11:15 am  
Blogger punxxi said...

So the ol' brain all better or still fartin' around on you?

2:46 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Debs: Not while I have strength in my body.

Punx: It's not done anything odd recently. Well. No more than usual.

11:27 am  
Anonymous Johnners said...

I thought the low-down cashpoints were for people using wheelchairs? You live and learn.

Hope your brain is still ticking along nicely!

5:38 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Oh. Yes. That makes more sense. Must get the results of that head CT.

8:15 pm  

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