Monday, August 07, 2006

Tales From the Pub # 2

I am In The Pub.

For a change, it is not one of my frankly rather grim Local Pubs.

I am in the city. Down by the river. Late afternoon-ish. The courtyard of a slightly-swanky-but-not-unbearably-so bar.

I sip my drink. The sun hits my face and for a second –just a second mind you- I get one of those heart-surging ‘hey, everything might be O.K.’ type feelings.

They never last longer than a second.

The other side of the courtyard. A Guy and his Girl sit. They are rather well turned-out, as befits their surroundings.

The Guy takes a Device from his pocket and starts tinkering. Being a man myself, I am rather intrigued. It is, after all, a Device.

I peer at this thing. Is it a GameBoy of some sort? I keep peering. No. They don’t come in purple.

My goodness! It is one of those Blackberry-things! How exciting/annoying.

Let me make myself clear. I think that unless you are an on-call brain surgeon or something, there is no sensible reason why a person would NEED a MOBILE PHONE. They are, without doubt, RIDICULOUS devices.

If I feel the need to speak to somebody badly enough, I will make arrangements to be in the SAME ROOM as them. If it’s not that important, it can WAIT.

Imagine my feelings regarding mobile email-sendy-type things.

I stare at the Guy, fascinated to see what sort of individual would possess such a Device. He looks around, checks to see if anyone notices he is holding this mind-boggling piece of technology (I avert my eyes) and starts tapping away.

After a moment, the Girl whips her mobile phone from her purse and starts tapping in a similar manner.

The sound of fake nails on keypad is not pleasant.

I marvel at these two. They have made the decision to go to a place together. Have ‘got ready’. Have chosen a venue. Have come here. And now sit, hip-to-hip, not speaking to each other, sending presumably very stupid messages to people miles away.

I am aghast.

The Girl’s phone makes a beep-beep noise. She reads, giggles, nudges the Guy and then begins furious clacking of acrylic nails.

The Guy’s purple thing makes a noise, he reads, giggles, nudges, and starts clacking.

It dawns on me.

THEY ARE FUCKING EMAILING EACH OTHER!

My head promptly explodes and my soon-to-be dead body starts whirling around the place like the android on Alien, smashing glasses and kicking tables high into the air.

Or not.

I finish my drink and leave.

18 Comments:

Blogger Heather B said...

People never cease to amaze me

2:46 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. And welcome.

3:13 am  
Blogger Ranting Dullard said...

I feel sick.

I am with you on mobile phones. Christ on his bike, who the sodding hell would want a 300 quid phone that you can play games on?

I hate the fact that people can phone you when your having a crap or out for a meal etc.

10:55 am  
Blogger Amanda said...

pmsl! :0) (obviously not really, just laughed alot)

1:41 pm  
Blogger NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Frankly, probably just as well they weren't talking to each other. Imagine the horror.

10:28 pm  
Blogger Pie said...

I only ever use a mobile phone whilst having a shit, it seems entirely appropriate.

Hopefully these two goons were charged an obscene amount of money whilst emailing each other, I have no idea how these Blackberry thingies work. Sounds like two kids with plastic cups tied together with string - the ones where you have to speak so loudly that the other person can hear you without it anyway.

3:40 pm  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

Excellent account of this event. How ya doing?

cheers,
Candy
http://gnosticminx.blogspot.com/

7:02 pm  
Anonymous Wheeler said...

I saw a couple busily checking their blackberry-type things (one each) whilst waiting for luggage off a holiday flight last week. Their poor son just had to stand & watch while they beavered away. What could be so important ?!

1:27 pm  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

you've met my daughter and her boyfriend then?

9:23 pm  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Oh, god. Say it ain't so... I have a mobile. It's the second I've bought in six years. I bought it about two years ago. It is quite lo-tech. It allows me to make and receive calls while on the move should I need to, which I rarely do. I can text too. But my texting speed is 6 wpm, so I rarely do that either. And it can take photos. But mostly why would I? I have a camera.

Oh, this is a long tedious comment. Point is, I don't "get" mobile phones. Why people have to buy a new one every few months. Why someone would need a BlackBerry, I just don't know.

I'm bored now.

11:05 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

RD: You take your phone into the toilet?

Amanda: Good.

NWM: I'm not sure they would know where to start.

PIE: You take your phone into the toilet? Does everyone? Am I the only one who doesn't?

Candy: I'm doing really quite badly, but I'm not going to bang on about it. Thanks though.

Wheeler: Cunts.

Dinners: I hope it wasn't them.

*: Your mobile sounds spot on. Mine is better. Being ancient in the extreme, it now cuts anyone who calls me off the second I answer it! Result!

12:34 am  
Blogger Cynnie said...

I would have had to smack them both in the head...
I admit to loving the text thing..but not while we're in the same room..
that's stupid

4:29 am  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

C: Welcome back.

A long time ago I recieved a call on our home landline from someone using a mobile in another part of the house. It was not a large house.

I didn't think *that* could be topped. Goes to show.

6:14 am  
Blogger Lammy said...

I have a mobile and leave it at home if going to the pub. Last week someone was aghast with me when he asked me why I had not answered his call, me saying that I was in the pub. Sad Sad person!

9:02 am  
Blogger The_'Real'_Batman said...

Wheeler if that was Heathrow airport those two were my parents. They're like magpies; something new and shiny attracts them. I have a mobile which hasn't been switched on for three months...

5:33 pm  
Blogger Tired Dad said...

Lammy: Hello and welcome. Leave it at home all the time. Nothing is THAT important.

Shamash: You're talking to Wheeler? This isn't fucking MySpace you know.

1:32 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! »

2:56 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:41 am  

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