Tales From the Pub # 2
I am In The Pub.
For a change, it is not one of my frankly rather grim Local Pubs.
I am in the city. Down by the river. Late afternoon-ish. The courtyard of a slightly-swanky-but-not-unbearably-so bar.
I sip my drink. The sun hits my face and for a second –just a second mind you- I get one of those heart-surging ‘hey, everything might be O.K.’ type feelings.
They never last longer than a second.
The other side of the courtyard. A Guy and his Girl sit. They are rather well turned-out, as befits their surroundings.
The Guy takes a Device from his pocket and starts tinkering. Being a man myself, I am rather intrigued. It is, after all, a Device.
I peer at this thing. Is it a GameBoy of some sort? I keep peering. No. They don’t come in purple.
My goodness! It is one of those Blackberry-things! How exciting/annoying.
Let me make myself clear. I think that unless you are an on-call brain surgeon or something, there is no sensible reason why a person would NEED a MOBILE PHONE. They are, without doubt, RIDICULOUS devices.
If I feel the need to speak to somebody badly enough, I will make arrangements to be in the SAME ROOM as them. If it’s not that important, it can WAIT.
Imagine my feelings regarding mobile email-sendy-type things.
I stare at the Guy, fascinated to see what sort of individual would possess such a Device. He looks around, checks to see if anyone notices he is holding this mind-boggling piece of technology (I avert my eyes) and starts tapping away.
After a moment, the Girl whips her mobile phone from her purse and starts tapping in a similar manner.
The sound of fake nails on keypad is not pleasant.
I marvel at these two. They have made the decision to go to a place together. Have ‘got ready’. Have chosen a venue. Have come here. And now sit, hip-to-hip, not speaking to each other, sending presumably very stupid messages to people miles away.
I am aghast.
The Girl’s phone makes a beep-beep noise. She reads, giggles, nudges the Guy and then begins furious clacking of acrylic nails.
The Guy’s purple thing makes a noise, he reads, giggles, nudges, and starts clacking.
It dawns on me.
THEY ARE FUCKING EMAILING EACH OTHER!
For a change, it is not one of my frankly rather grim Local Pubs.
I am in the city. Down by the river. Late afternoon-ish. The courtyard of a slightly-swanky-but-not-unbearably-so bar.
I sip my drink. The sun hits my face and for a second –just a second mind you- I get one of those heart-surging ‘hey, everything might be O.K.’ type feelings.
They never last longer than a second.
The other side of the courtyard. A Guy and his Girl sit. They are rather well turned-out, as befits their surroundings.
The Guy takes a Device from his pocket and starts tinkering. Being a man myself, I am rather intrigued. It is, after all, a Device.
I peer at this thing. Is it a GameBoy of some sort? I keep peering. No. They don’t come in purple.
My goodness! It is one of those Blackberry-things! How exciting/annoying.
Let me make myself clear. I think that unless you are an on-call brain surgeon or something, there is no sensible reason why a person would NEED a MOBILE PHONE. They are, without doubt, RIDICULOUS devices.
If I feel the need to speak to somebody badly enough, I will make arrangements to be in the SAME ROOM as them. If it’s not that important, it can WAIT.
Imagine my feelings regarding mobile email-sendy-type things.
I stare at the Guy, fascinated to see what sort of individual would possess such a Device. He looks around, checks to see if anyone notices he is holding this mind-boggling piece of technology (I avert my eyes) and starts tapping away.
After a moment, the Girl whips her mobile phone from her purse and starts tapping in a similar manner.
The sound of fake nails on keypad is not pleasant.
I marvel at these two. They have made the decision to go to a place together. Have ‘got ready’. Have chosen a venue. Have come here. And now sit, hip-to-hip, not speaking to each other, sending presumably very stupid messages to people miles away.
I am aghast.
The Girl’s phone makes a beep-beep noise. She reads, giggles, nudges the Guy and then begins furious clacking of acrylic nails.
The Guy’s purple thing makes a noise, he reads, giggles, nudges, and starts clacking.
It dawns on me.
THEY ARE FUCKING EMAILING EACH OTHER!
My head promptly explodes and my soon-to-be dead body starts whirling around the place like the android on Alien, smashing glasses and kicking tables high into the air.
Or not.
I finish my drink and leave.
posted by Tired Dad at
2:38 am
15 Comments:
People never cease to amaze me
Wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. And welcome.
I feel sick.
I am with you on mobile phones. Christ on his bike, who the sodding hell would want a 300 quid phone that you can play games on?
I hate the fact that people can phone you when your having a crap or out for a meal etc.
Frankly, probably just as well they weren't talking to each other. Imagine the horror.
Excellent account of this event. How ya doing?
cheers,
Candy
http://gnosticminx.blogspot.com/
I saw a couple busily checking their blackberry-type things (one each) whilst waiting for luggage off a holiday flight last week. Their poor son just had to stand & watch while they beavered away. What could be so important ?!
you've met my daughter and her boyfriend then?
Oh, god. Say it ain't so... I have a mobile. It's the second I've bought in six years. I bought it about two years ago. It is quite lo-tech. It allows me to make and receive calls while on the move should I need to, which I rarely do. I can text too. But my texting speed is 6 wpm, so I rarely do that either. And it can take photos. But mostly why would I? I have a camera.
Oh, this is a long tedious comment. Point is, I don't "get" mobile phones. Why people have to buy a new one every few months. Why someone would need a BlackBerry, I just don't know.
I'm bored now.
RD: You take your phone into the toilet?
Amanda: Good.
NWM: I'm not sure they would know where to start.
PIE: You take your phone into the toilet? Does everyone? Am I the only one who doesn't?
Candy: I'm doing really quite badly, but I'm not going to bang on about it. Thanks though.
Wheeler: Cunts.
Dinners: I hope it wasn't them.
*: Your mobile sounds spot on. Mine is better. Being ancient in the extreme, it now cuts anyone who calls me off the second I answer it! Result!
I would have had to smack them both in the head...
I admit to loving the text thing..but not while we're in the same room..
that's stupid
C: Welcome back.
A long time ago I recieved a call on our home landline from someone using a mobile in another part of the house. It was not a large house.
I didn't think *that* could be topped. Goes to show.
I have a mobile and leave it at home if going to the pub. Last week someone was aghast with me when he asked me why I had not answered his call, me saying that I was in the pub. Sad Sad person!
Wheeler if that was Heathrow airport those two were my parents. They're like magpies; something new and shiny attracts them. I have a mobile which hasn't been switched on for three months...
Lammy: Hello and welcome. Leave it at home all the time. Nothing is THAT important.
Shamash: You're talking to Wheeler? This isn't fucking MySpace you know.
Best regards from NY! »
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